Joel Haver

Joel Haver Pro

Favorite films

  • Love Streams
  • I Don't Want to Sleep Alone
  • Close-Up
  • The Fisher King

Recent activity

All
  • Speed

    ★★★½

  • Just Like Heaven

    ★★★

  • Die Hard

    ★★★★

  • Old Dads

    ★½

Recent reviews

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  • Speed

    Speed

    ★★★½

    Keanu calls a random bystander Gigantor because he’s tall. A lot of this movie is held together by loose goofy thread but that moment is long gone. And the dude is not even that tall.

    PS: Why the hell does Hulu have the full screen version? I spent the whole movie thinking it was strange that they did a Hollywood action movie in 16:9 only to find out I watched the whole thing cropped! Not cool Hulu!

  • Just Like Heaven

    Just Like Heaven

    ★★★

    Hollywood romcoms often walk a fine line. On one side is sincere and maybe a little naive and the other side is cynical and cash grabby. I’ve been on a binge of early 2000s romcoms and thankfully almost all of them fall in the former. Endearing and sweet even if sometimes eye roll inducing. They also all look weirdly nice by nature of being shot on film and seem genuinely interested in telling a story to the masses above checking…

Popular reviews

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  • The Banshees of Inisherin

    The Banshees of Inisherin

    ★★★★

    One of the best breakup movies in recent memory. Also one of the most brutal. Unrelenting in its portrayal of our desperation in the face of abandonment. We’ll mutilate ourselves beyond recognition if it means having things our way, leaving us with nothing but a pathetic “I told you so”. But who even is “I” at that point? Who is “you”?

  • Puss in Boots: The Last Wish

    Puss in Boots: The Last Wish

    ★★★★

    Damn good. Every character that comes on screen is distinct and memorable. The cricket is the best running gag I’ve seen in a movie in a long time. So expressive from start to finish that it makes me question what Hollywood is even doing otherwise and how this even got made within that brain dead system.

    People are damn talented. So many of them. Even the shittiest Illumination movie is made on the backs of hundreds of people with extreme…