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  • Tales from the Crypt

    Tales from the Crypt

    ★★★★

    i genuinely love the horror anthology format and the way it replicates diving into a halloween goody-bag - but i'm also p sick of films that are the equivalent of pulling out a handful of minties. like, the fact that this had a single, genuinely scary moment already put this head and shoulders above most other anthologies i've seen tbh!

    tales from the crypt proudly belongs in the canon of 'rich dickheads getting their asses handed to them' cinema. like,…

  • The World Is Not Enough

    The World Is Not Enough

    ★★★

    top marks in the phallic imagery department, whether it's bond getting hounded by a helicopter's buzzsaw dick, or the climax in which bond and the male villain take turns in shoving a girthy plutonium rod in and out of a hole.

    the rest of the film is totally hampered by terrible writing, although one of the series' more (hypothetically) interesting villains is lurking within this mess.

    whole thing lacks glamour and playfulness too; we get paragliding snowmobiles pretty early on, and it's all downhill from there.

    (one extra star for the excellent n64 game)

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  • Girl on the Third Floor

    Girl on the Third Floor

    ★★★

    I cannot overstate the sheer obsession this film has with the viscosity of cum, to the extent that I walked out of the cinema feeling as if I had some stuck in my hair.

  • The Australian Dream

    The Australian Dream

    ★★★½

    As someone who's too Asian and too queer to usually give a shit about sports, I have to admire this film for making me genuinely care about AFL. (I also appreciate any moviegoing experience where a packed audience collectively regards Andrew Bolt with the derision he deserves.)

    I think a lot about how I literally had to explain what the Stolen Generations were to someone my age earlier this year. The Australian Dream understands that this shameful era in our…