Texas Chainsaw 3D

Texas Chainsaw 3D ½

This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

This review may contain spoilers.

To anyone and everyone that has had negative things to say about the Michael Bay produced remake and prequel, wait till you see this turd. I will go on record to say that ANY recent remake, sequel or re imagining that has been produced in the last 10-15 years blows this piece of shit out of the water. Yes, even Nightmare on Elm Street and I though that was atrocious. I would rewatch Rob Zombie's Halloween films before I give this another shot and I hated those too.

This film just fails on every level. I would like to know who read the toilet paper this script was written on and decided "oh, this is a great idea!". He, or she needs a chainsaw ran through their midsection. The acting here could have been better performed by fifth graders, Trey Songz delivers one of the worst pieces of dialogue in history, and all he says is "Sorry" He is vile. The characters are written so terribly cliche that even a bad actor would say "these are some stupid ass people" The lead female, while quite attractive, is the worst lead ever. Her motivations are completely ridiculous, and the path she takes in the end is so void of any thought. "Hey, dumbass this guy just killed all of your friends! But that's ok!?!" "Do your thing cuz' " ugh.

Next we have the story...so horrible. Picking up where the original left off, this turns a horror classic into a laughable, cheap, un imaginative mess. It is so predictable where it is going, and the worst part is they make us take pity on this horrifying cannibalistic family we grew to fear back in 74'. Now we are supposed to sympathize with these psychopaths? That's not what made these characters so iconic back then, it was that they were crazy, disgusting, vile people that we couldn't relate to. And where is the gore? The other thing great about the past films was the excessive amount of blood and guts, and it is nowhere to be found here. I recall one torso being cut in half, and that's about it.

I could go on for pages but I won't. Just be warned, this movie is shit. And I urge anyone that disliked Marcus Nisspel's Friday the 13th to give it another shot after watching this and I think you can appreciate it at least a little bit more.

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