Dune

Dune

"In spice mining colonies, there are always worms"
"Always?"
"Always."

How you feel is how I felt the whole movie.

There was a part where some sort of red baby worm creature was floating into an open void that I said "Okay, I guess I'm just going to let this happen to me."

So many white people. Everyone, this is too many white people. Look, I'm white, I like Die Hard movies and stuff but there comes a point where it is not reasonable to assume that people can differentiate between this many white people no matter how white they are...and this is past that point. This film is over 100 white people with weird names, all wearing drab colors, and talking in monotone voices, delivering only expositional or world-building sentences for over 2 straight hours.

I knew nothing about the Dune world going into this, if you did, good for you. And to be fair, if you read it and are really into it and that made the experience more enjoyable for you than for me then cool, no beef. In fact, I can admit that it is fair to expect a little bit of pre-knowledge going into a film in this genre. That said, this film is incomprehensible if you are not already fairly familiar with the world already. I love sci-fi and I am irrationally obsessed with world-building. In addition, I am a little obsessed with certain David Lynch works. And as a reminder, I am super white. With all that, I still hate this movie to the point that I eventually enjoyed each minute passing the way I imagine a revenge killer enjoys scratching each victim off the list. But beyond that, the film has horrible problems with tone (action, sex, adventure...all shot the same way) and visual direction (everything looks this fucking same).

As much as I want to give this half a star the visuals are just too cool and at one point Sir Patrick Stewart runs into battle while holding a pug in a baby bjorn style thing and like geez I really enjoyed watching that. Also:

- Sting is in this film..fun!
- Patrick Stewart looked exactly the same for 25 straight years. That is cool but also a little creepy if you think about it.
-Dean Stockwell (Max from Quantum Leap) is in what I would call "Middle-Eastern Face" in this film. So that was okay 34 years ago.
- Brad Dourif (The voice of Chucky from the Child's Play series) is in this
- Kyle MacLachlan demonstrates why a Kyle MacLachlan type should not play the role that Kyle MacLachlan plays in this film.
- Sean Young bravely shows that she can play a character even more boring than her role in BladeRunner. Yes, this is just as much the director's fault...just saying.
- Just so you know, if the extended version is better, I don't really care.

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