RSS feed for julian
  • Extremely Wicked, Shockingly Evil and Vile

    Extremely Wicked, Shockingly Evil and Vile

    ★★½

    damn........... being John Malkovich 2 was a little offbeat huh?

  • The Social Network

    The Social Network

    ★★★★★

    ugh the fucking BANTER. THA FUC N BANTA 

    AHHHHGHH

    -also David finches shot the whole thing digitally wide so he could control the crop which I respect

  • The Perfect Date

    The Perfect Date

    ½

    absolute fiery poopy garbage that isn’t even worth a fairy fart 

    also who let budget Louie C.K. near those 30 year old “teenagers”

  • The Nice Guys

    The Nice Guys

    ★★½

    the scene where Ryan’s character calmly breaks through a dingey window to investigate something and accidentally lacerates his arm and then it jump cuts to an ambulance scene where’s he’s chain smoking is a perfect encapsulation of this movies weird, offbeat, and sometimes stanky charm 


    unresolved questions 
    + how big is Chet’s dick?
    + why did Ryan’s character resort to shaving his face in the car when he has no job that requires him to be somewhere at a specific time, and he could have done it at home easily 
    + did the fish live?

  • Us

    Us

    ★★★★½

    i want to cuddle into winston duke’s humongous personality and just warmly sip mai tai’s while feeling gently secure, emotionally validated and physically protected like wow he is a MANS 

    this movie secured Jordan Peele’s status as an amazing director blah blah all the amazing shit we already know about this god of directing / screenwriting / turning his fever dreams into genre blend smoothies that you sip on while feeling amazing that his disparate flavor combos work (NWA blaring…

  • The Fast and the Furious

    The Fast and the Furious

    ★★

    all the dialogue in this is so stilted it almost comes off as being from the shakespeare era 

    "they call me hector" translates to "my name is hector"

    "come and get it" translates to "hello"

    "rip apart the block” means "holla at yah boi"

    + 1 star for the shot of the NOS blowing through the fuel gauge that was pretty damn nice for 2001 era after effects 

    - 4 stars for all the gay slurs

  • Bring It On

    Bring It On

    one of the stunt guys brags about how he fingers his girlfriend that he’s tossing up in the air, and that was the part of this movie that stuck with me the most, as I spent almost 5 whole minutes trying to figure out the logistics involved in that weird "supposed" sexual flex 

    kristen dunst’s acting is questionable but 1 star for the amazing jazz dance captain and also for finger dexterity

  • Captain Marvel

    Captain Marvel

    ★★

    how the absolute hell did Jude Law pick this as the first movie to show off his newly minted hair plugs when he would so CLEARLY have been a better fit for the favorite or something like that. looks great tho 

    i fell asleep at about the 45min mark right as the weird sexual deviant guy from dark knight rises has a crouching tiger battle with Samuel L Jackson’s favorite glory days daydream while he also yells about how red and American his blood is 

    brie larsons performance is tepid as  🤷🏻‍♂️


    skip this and go rewatch Thor Ragnarok

  • Samsara

    Samsara

    ★★★½

    more ladyboys and less slow moving dirt scenes please

  • The Sower

    The Sower

    ★★

    solid 2 stars for the fact that this entire movie is shot so nostalgically, beautifully, and smartly that the sun glitters alone make you wanna just feel good about life and drink a juice 

    minus the other 3 stars for the blatant porn that is tried to be passed off as a plot

  • Scooby-Doo

    Scooby-Doo

    ★½

    this movie singlehandedly caused my younger brother and I to assume the weird voice of scooby doo under extreme situations as a coping mechanism for the rest of our lives so one could argue it’s a cleverly disguised pavlovian experiment meant to indicate our innate human suggestibility to beastial tendencies under pressure 

    or 

    it could be a super funny bad movie about a man-dog-child that has mr bean (?) as the villain 

    this was freddie prince jr’s peak

  • The Favourite

    The Favourite

    ★★★★

    firstly - this is nic hoult’s BEST role to date. witty and rapid with just a tastefully sprinkling of douchebag. nobility - but make it fashion and also aaron soorkin

    second, this film really is fucking fun. like really fun. the banter was fun and I enjoyed a lot about the setting, especially how lighthearted it was shown to be. 

    fun fun fun