• The Forest

    The Forest

    ★★½

    The poster looks like a slasher and it starts like a slasher, but this is really a movie about ghost kids and their depressed father who went to the woods to be a cannibal because his wife was cheating on him. The classic bait'n switch!

  • Sleepless

    Sleepless

    ★★

    (tries desperately to stay awake)

  • Megaforce

    Megaforce

    How can something be more boring than watching paint dry?

    When you know it should be fun, but it isn't.

  • Gothic

    Gothic

    ★★★★

    One summer in my teens while visiting family at their farm, I spent a week anticipating a Space Channel screening of GOTHIC, RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD III and RETURN OF SWAMP THING.

    I remember being very confused by GOTHIC. The little golem guy wasn't the killer? Where were the monsters? Why was everyone screaming all the time?

    Well, at least there were eye boobs.

    Classic Ken Russell.

  • Blood Stalkers

    Blood Stalkers

    ★★★

    It's like THE EVIL DEAD, but without the energetic style or supernatural elements and the leads are all grumpy middle-aged people. There are enough super weird moments as things ramp up to make this a tentative regional recommendation, but I was pissed off that the ending went with a SHRIEK OF THE MUTILATED style twist. How dare they. Gimme my killer bigfoots that shriek like panthers!

  • Bad Taste

    Bad Taste

    ★★★★★

    I bet Peter Jackson dreams he could go back to the better days of making movies like BAD TASTE with a bunch of friends over weekends with a wind-up 16mm camera.

  • Evil Town

    Evil Town

    ★★

    A MOVIE THAT TOOK DECADES TO MAKE AND HAD THREE DIRECTORS!

    "Oh boy that must be... Oh... Yea... It's not good."

  • Memorial Valley Massacre

    Memorial Valley Massacre

    ★★★

    Regional slasher that's the equivalent of spending a lazy Sunday afternoon at an overcrowded campground. The decision to have the killer be a buck-toothed caveman who spends most of his time running around in the day time is a bold choice. It doesn't even end with him getting killed!

  • A Sweet and Vicious Beauty

    A Sweet and Vicious Beauty

    ★★★★

    Stop me if you've seen this before: A restrained zero-budget period gothic chiller (with nods to J-horror) that turns into an incredibly energetic slasher splatter film until it gets so excited that it can't help but have its iconic looking killer start breaking into martial arts duels with her victims.

    Yea, that about sums up A SWEET AND VICIOUS BEAUTY.

    I've got to give it up to Writer/Director/Editor/Cameraman/Choreographer Eric Thornett: He had a vision and he put it on screen…

  • Killing Birds

    Killing Birds

    ★★★½

    I always laugh when I see the title ZOMBIE 5: KILLING BIRDS, but to be honest, there is one moment of bird inflicted trauma (eyeball division) and zombies do make an appearance. The rest of the film is made up of one-time teenage actors stumbling through thick fog while screaming.

    This is Joe D'amato's THE BEYOND.

  • Spellcaster

    Spellcaster

    ★★★

    This has got a pretty bad rap, but it's a solid lower-tier EMPIRE outing. It's filled with whatever monster props John Carl Beuchler had lying around in his warehouse (A killer chair? Sure!), takes place at Charlie Band's cozy castle, and the tonal whiplash is fun - jumping from boner jerk comedy to brutal horror film in a heartbeat. I was not surprised to learn that it was a script that had been kicking around for ages before being going…

  • Little Monsters

    Little Monsters

    ★★★★

    This scared the SHIT out of me as a kid. It's got child-centric body horror, a secret monster world in your bedroom that can kidnap you, and tons of gooey special effects. I've forgotten 99% of it over of over the years, but I can still vividly remember lying in bed with a fever one night, burping up acid reflux, and hallucinating that I was turning into a monster too! Did someone switch out my juice with piss!? HOW WOULD…