Jurassic World Dominion

Jurassic World Dominion ★★

Things in this film that are hilarious:

- It’s about locusts. Fallen Kingdom introduces all these moral dilemmas about the possibility of dinosaurs living among humans and this film decides to discuss none of it and is instead about locusts.
- Chris Pratt does that stupid hand thing at every dinosaur he sees even though all of them - including Blue - don’t give a shit anymore and try to eat him anyway.
- It has an impressive amount of bad actors, OGs and newcomers alike.
- It uses that shitty yellow “Mexican border” filter and vaguely Arabic sounding “exotic” music for fucking Malta. As in the European island full of English tourists on the piss up. I snorted when the location card came up.
- I forgot there was a cloned girl and it was so unnecessary that it was funny that that was the half of the plot Sam Neill and Laura Dern got saddled with.
- The editing was appalling. Several times scenes are cut too tightly and end before a character has finished enunciating the last word of their line.
- Blurry and superimposed as shit. I caught half of Jurassic Park on TV the other day and it looked better than this.
- The original music swelling was totally undeserved because all of the set pieces were shit.
- This was the most troubled of all of the 2020/21 Covid shoots and they still decided to see it through and go over budget. Hilarious.
- My crowd of fully grown adults were so restless by the last half hour that they just started openly laughing at how bad the scenes were.
- I like Fallen Kingdom more than pretty much everyone on the planet… and I thought this was boring as shit.

Things in this film that are good:

- Bryce Dallas Howard

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