Favorite films

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  • Gemini Man

  • Mortal Kombat

    ★★

  • Shrek the Third

    ★½

  • Alice in Wonderland

    ★★

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  • Gemini Man

    Gemini Man

    If God had allowed Don Simpson to get sober, he would have made this movie. That is to say, it sucks so bad. It's got the plot of a late 90s dadction movie a la "The Rock" or "Face/Off", but none of the sauce. None of the je nai sais quoi. None of the blow! This is a movie made by regular, sober insane people, not people drive insane by their own excess.

    And it shows.

    It's a movie about…

  • Mortal Kombat

    Mortal Kombat

    ★★

    Mortal Kombat is such classic style schlock that simply doesn't get made anymore. An incomprehensible script, filled with small bursts of outrageous violence and Australian TV actors you've never heard of.

    The wikipedia for director Simon McQuoid reads in entirety as follows; "Simon McQuoid (born April 23, 1984) is an Australian filmmaker, best known for directing the 2021 reboot of Mortal Kombat.[1] McQuoid was also known for his background in directing commercials."

    I can't help but feel like I just assisted in money laundering somehow. It's a refreshing, classic kind of feeling.

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  • Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs

    Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs

    ★★★

    The word "pioneering" comes up often when discussing classic films; partly as sign of recognition and respect but also (more codedly) as a caveat. A warning. An excuse.
    Grandma has amazing, important stories to tell but don't be surprised if she says something uncouth and her pants fill with shit part way through. We still honor her. We still remember her vital contributions to our lives. But things change.

    To that end, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs is a…

  • Alice in Wonderland

    Alice in Wonderland

    ★★

    "Calloo Calay no work today
    We're cabbages and Kings."

    Theory: "Nonsense" is the grandpappy of "random". The concept of humor coming from something absurd and unexpected was born from Carroll. Refute that, I dare you. I'll delete your comment and it'll be like you never existed.

    And while "Alice in Wonderland" the film is nonsense, it's not technically discordant. There's an appreciable irony at the amount of careful focus, accuracy and just sheer torturous time that went into animating some…