Lamb ½

I want to take this movie behind a barn and blow its fucking pebble brains out. Then I’ll shoot it again to make sure it stops twitching and gasping out yet another scene where they stand around the farm while a smoke machine runs in the background. Nobody should be willingly or accidentally exposed to something this astoundingly pretentious and painfully dull.

Lamb is the terrible short film that your insufferable friend of a friend makes you watch at a kickback extended to nearly two hours. There is nothing here. No scares, no compelling drama, no stimulating visuals beyond open fields that put you to sleep after ten minutes. It does have Lamb. She’s definitely there. But if you want her to do literally anything you’re going to be sorely disappointed. 

Advertising this brain dead farming simulator as a horror movie should be punishable by law. This got into Cannes on a fucking bribe. That’s the only way.

This will be one of the most humiliating release weekends A24 will ever have. Nobody will like this and if you do, I don’t believe you. This is the worst movie they’ve ever distributed.

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