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  • Meet Wally Sparks

    Meet Wally Sparks

    ½

    It says the movie was made in 1997, but I don't believe it.


    I couldn't finish it... it's like watching the result of some 114 year-old Vaudeville writer churn out one last old gutbuster in modern day. Painfully clunky comedy. I love Rodney Dangerfield, but not like this. Not like this.

  • War of the Worlds

    War of the Worlds

    ★★★★½

    Spielberg knows how to stage a memorable scene. The lightning. The appearance of the machines. The stolen van escape-from-home in the nick of time. The one-shot highway drive. The overnight suburbs destruction. The ferry attack. These are all handled very well and in a way that makes the main characters feel like ants in the grand scheme of things.

    It's casual everyday horror - very much like the opening sequences of the "Dawn of the Dead" remake. It seems so…

  • Total Recall

    Total Recall

    ★★★½

    It was on the movie channel again, so what the hell I'll watch it again I guess, why not?

    It's pretty to look at, somehow even less plausible than the original's plot, and there are a few good action scenes. It's nothing compared to the 1990 version (one of my favourite sci-fi action films), but it's got some appeal to it with its communal greasy hand prints on glass everywhere and sexy evil robot men, pretty ladies, and a mmm…

  • Bohemian Rhapsody

    Bohemian Rhapsody

    ★★

    I really love Queen. Their music was grand but personal, and some of their lesser-known songs are so delightful - seriously delightful and cheery songs. There is heart in their music and Freddie Mercury's voice is phenomenal.

    That being said, this movie never gave me insight to any true story to Queen. Most of the back story and conflicts in the movie are either completely made up, altered, or are shown in a timeline that is not true to history.…

  • Death Ship

    Death Ship

    ½

    Captain Donald Trump and his ship with an obvious secret.

    I mean, it's a pretty spot-on analogy.

    Trump Ship


    In all seriousness, this was terrible and boring - also, not scary in the least... unless the general public is scared by unseen forces pulling you up into the sky without warning. *wink wink nudge nudge to my regular readers - all 2 of you - you know what I'm talking about*

  • Twister

    Twister

    ★★★★½

    I only watched the last 15 minutes this time... there are some shots that don't look great, but then there are jaw-dropping shots of the F5 tornado that keeps "Twister" as the best tornado film to date. There are several shots around the "knife barn" that I find so perfect... One where Hunt and Paxton are running along a wood fence to get to the barn and the fence is flying up into the sky behind them, and the other…

  • Insidious: The Last Key

    Insidious: The Last Key

    ½

    Bland and forgettable.

    "Ooooh! I certainly hope no unseen forces pull me up into the sky or down a hallway or hit my head in the basement... that's my biggest fear of the last 10 years, apparently."

    I can't tell you how many times I've stopped and screamed while walking outside - a jolt of fear comes over me because I'm scared that a blast of orchestra will sound and then some unseen force will rocket me up into the…

  • Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse

    Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse

    ★★★★½

    "Help! I've fallen and I CAN get up!"
    "Help! I've fallen and I CAN get up!"
    "Help! I've fallen and I CAN get up!"
    "Help! I've fallen and I CAN get up!"
    "Help! I've fallen and I CAN get up!"
    "Help! I've fallen and I CAN get up!"


    Beautiful animation with a bizarre but very interesting plot.
    I can't stress enough how stunning the animation is.

  • Captain Marvel

    Captain Marvel

    ★★★

    "Help! I've fallen and I CAN get up!"



    A paint-by-numbers superhero movie. People keep telling her to calm down and control her emotions but she's already basically Ben Stein for the entire movie. Some CGI de-aging looks crazy good, except when it doesn't. The plot is somewhat interesting, but also neglects to get deep into any drama so when it comes to the finale, it does't have much impact.

    The best part of the movie for me was the loading…

  • Apollo 11

    Apollo 11

    ★★★★★

    Beautiful HD footage from the Apollo 11 mission. As you watch, you can spot moments that have heavily influenced Science Fiction films since the 1960's - I'm sure a few very prominent directors have sat down to this archive footage and took notes. Close Encounters of the Third Kind, Contact, and Apollo 13 all have moments that nearly identical to moments in this archival footage - not to mention, the previous Apollo and Gemini missions had already influenced Stanley Kubrick's…

  • The Big Fat Stone

    The Big Fat Stone

    ½

    I know Frank D'Angelo as a guy from a commercial for his own brand of frozen mini onions... In the commercial, he would show a great recipe to use his bag of frozen baby onions in.... and he starts by getting the pan nice and hot and adding SALT, first thing. Every great cook knows you want to salt that hot, empty pan first - season the hell out of that stainless steel.... alright, now that your sodium is red…

  • Joy Ride

    Joy Ride

    ★★★★★

    A tight, well-made thriller with an excellent cast and script that carries you along on a tense ride full of nail-biting situations. The two brother characters are the strong beating heart of the movie - they have a volatile but honest bond that truly feels deeper than just the movie, they actually seem like blood relatives on screen.

    The best thing about the movie is the confident direction - there are excellent lighting choices and some very Hitchcockian moments that…