me up until the screening of the movie: hehehehe no one better be eating large popcorn around me or i'm gonna go TF off, i got no time for your munching when i should be watching my parents shotgun some aliens in dead silence *send tweet*

me during the screening: who keeps calling me i can feel my phone buzzing, let me just press the button on the side and stop it...

my phone in my pocket: *muffled* ring ring bish

me: mutes it

mia: kyle

me: fuck fuck fuck... okay let me just pull my phone out and put it on airplane mo-

my phone: *LOUDLY OUT OF MY POCKET* RING RING RING MOTHERFUCKER

emily blunt on screen: i am having a FUCKING BABY HERE-

mia and emily blunt: *simultaneously* KYLE

me: just fuckin eat me u stranger things lookin creature i deserve it

anyways, the moral of this story, is trust no one... not even yourself