Cats ½

Cats is an utterly baffling experience. Everything about it is simultaneously hyper-earnest, coked out, nonsensical, and also meow. I joked beforehand that I expected to leave my body and watch myself watching it and I…might’ve? If you dissociate enough you’ll have a good time. 

I can imagine the stage show having a certain manic energy to explain it. Under Tom Hooper’s diabolical watch, it’s sluggish and deeply ugly. It’s neither self-aware nor proud enough of being such an incredibly dumb idea to get past the sheer laziness of it all.

It’s the cinematic musical equivalent of those memes of people walking with comically loudened footsteps to greet silent, coughing crowds.