Cube 2: Hypercube

Cube 2: Hypercube ★★

HoopTober 7.0: Entry #8

Filled category: Extra credit!

Executive: "Huh, this Cube thing has turned out to be a pretty big hit on video. We should make a sequel."

Producer: "You know, it's funny, I had just the idea for that!"

Executive: "Go on..."

Producer: "Okay, so what does everyone like about Cube? What's everyone talking about, what's getting people to see the film?"

Executive: "The death traps."

Producer: "Right. People love death traps. The more elaborate, the better!"

Executive: "Okay, so... what do you have in mind for new traps?"

Producer: "Well, I was thinking maybe we go counterintuitive? We don't want to be accused of simply doing the first film all over again, right?"

Executive: "What're you thinking then?"

Producer: "How about, we do no traps and double down on the math and the yelling? Nobody will expect it! It'll be fresh!"

Executive: "................"

Producer: "And here's the best part - we really go for it on the incoherence front. The script has time travel and quantum theory and shit like that in it. It makes not even the slightest bit of sense and we explain only the least significant aspects of it. People are gonna love it!"

Executive: "...................I should really be telling you to get the fuck out of my office right now."

Producer: "But you haven't!"

Executive: "*sigh* Fine, we'll do it. But I'm only gonna give you a tenth of the budget of the first, so we'll be bound to turn a profit no matter what. And you're gonna need SOME traps. Tell you what - I got a nephew, good with computers. He can probably do something using, what do they call it, CGI or whatever. I think he's got a program for that. Windows 95, Image Maker, Video Toaster, I dunno. Something like that. He'll do it for free, maybe."

Producer: "Cool, let's do this!"

Executive: "And it goes without saying that we'll be shooting in Canada."

Producer: "I've already scouted the most Canadian cast possible. Bunch of no-namers with accents like Mounties. It'll be perfect."

Executive: "Great. Now get the fuck out of my office."

Block or Report

Steve liked this review