• Paul Blart: Mall Cop

    Paul Blart: Mall Cop

    ★½

    So while I am someone that doesn’t like the Paul Blart franchise despite my multiple viewings. This is a series of films that I found to be some of the most thoughtless modern filmmaking. It is point blank a movie that seeks to capitalize on the most amount of people possible by having Kevin James, a b-tier Adam Sandler friend, fart, burp, and of course, fall his way into our hearts. That was until I decided to watch this film…

  • Giant God Warrior Appears in Tokyo

    Giant God Warrior Appears in Tokyo

    ★★★★½

    Dread and pain exist within this carnivorous capturing of imminent danger with the end only seconds away.

  • London Has Fallen

    London Has Fallen

    ½

    what the fuck is this jingoistic shit? justifying imperialism and keeping the empire going while being so goddamn racist the entire too.

  • The Simpsons in Plusaversary

    The Simpsons in Plusaversary

    ½

    They said that capitalism breeds innovation.

    I would point to this and say otherwise.

  • The Thing

    The Thing

    ★★★★★

    What else can I really add to the commentary of the movie that birthed Among Us?

  • Sweat

    Sweat

    ★★★★½

    I started seriously working out in August this year, and I found myself the happiest I’ve been in a very long time. It’s what I look forward to most days, especially when work sucks and school drains my soul. I knew of the rabbit hole that is exercise social media where ill-advised training regimes are the routine, but I didn’t know how deep it was until I started liking workout TikToks, and then found myself in a new community where…

  • Ron's Gone Wrong

    Ron's Gone Wrong

    ★★½

    Sometimes I think about when I was a kid, and I struggled to make friends in my catholic school. I went in around seventh grade, not knowing a whole lot of the kids besides some friends I had on the same football team. Even then they weren’t even the closest of friends for me. I knew them and I thought since sixth grade was ending, it would be important to choose a good school and this private school seemed like…

  • Venom: Let There Be Carnage

    Venom: Let There Be Carnage

    ★★

    I finally got around to seeing Venom: Let There Be Carnage, and it was what I thought it would be.

    Hearing that this film was around 90 minutes long, I was surprised. Something about a film like Venom making 850 million normally I would expect the sequel go to bigger, longer, essentially bloated. Nah, Andy Serkis said this would be a lean, mean machine where pacing is thrown to the eleventh degree.

    The setup is that Woody Harrelson's Cletus Cassidy…

  • V/H/S/94

    V/H/S/94

    ★½

    So the series is back, huh?

    I remember when the first round of VHS films was coming out and the “resurrection” of anthology horror films. Well, least to say that it wasn’t, considering that VHS Viral was a̶ ̶c̶o̶u̶p̶l̶e̶ ̶y̶e̶a̶r̶s̶ ̶a̶g̶o̶ SEVERAL YEARS AGO, and no one liked that when it came out. So I wasn’t that surprised to hear that a reboot was in the works. Why do a new franchise when you can bring one that had some…

  • Swingers

    Swingers

    ★★★★

    So many people don’t realize that they’re money baby and that’s the real tragedy of life

  • The Devils

    The Devils

    ★★★★½

    In 1971 the entire world stopped for Ken Russell’s The Devils. There are very few films that elicit such a reaction from me, but when I saw the contouring bodies lying around a statue of Jesus, I knew that this would be the movie for me.

    The Devils caters to all of what is the worst about humanity. It’s 1634, so not a whole lot is going on. Oh, wait, a whole lot is going on. It’s the plague, and…

  • He's All That

    He's All That

    ★½

    I am not the target demographic for this remake. I’m also not one to hold the original as a treasure as one. I’ve never seen it two; it doesn’t look like it was the best of its peers back then. However, the hyperbolic reaction to He’s All That with reaction YouTuber’s whose only job is to cover the story of whatever Netflix garbage they watch only to make boisterous claims about how awful something is, was enough for me to watch…