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  • House

    House

    ★★★

    "Writing sure looks like fun."

    House is a movie that has so little clue of what it actually wants to be that it ends up being fun entirely because of the constant whiplashes between horror and cheesy TV humor. Its Jacob's Ladder if it got ran through the same creative process that Home Alone did and decided to cast Norm and Bull. Drink every time the set's walls move when someone opens a door.

  • Stacy: Attack of the Schoolgirl Zombies

    Stacy: Attack of the Schoolgirl Zombies

    ★★★

    BRAINPHYSIOLOGIST
    DR. DOGGOD

    This was the first DVD I got from Netflix back in the long ago times when that was all Netflix did. It didn't make an ounce of sense then either. Three stars.

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  • Too Many Cooks

    Too Many Cooks

    İ͋̅̽͏̶̠̘̭͡t̴̸̹̺͇͇̫͔̪̤̅̔̚͢ ͕͓̰̙̠͍̤̓̀͂͊͛͌̐̚t̸̷̔̔̊͏̩̗͖̝͉̯̮̭a̳̭̙̬ͦ̑̈́ͩ͢͠k̖̻̻̙̝̮̈́̈́̀̒̈͆ͦe̹̜̤̊ͪ̓̔͑ͯ͢s̘̘̜̟̭̹͈ͥ̒̃͒̒ͅ ̷̴͉̺͉̲̈̂̃ͅa̮͓̙͙͓̫͆ͧ̊ ̵̛̟̳̌̊̃ͣ̆ͯ͆l̵ͫ̒͋ͭͯ͟҉̯̩̬̲͈̙͓o̷̺͖̫̙͍͐ͧ͠t͍̣͎̍ͫ͐ͮ ̸̽͐҉̼ͅt̶̤̫͓̦̘̓̀̄̇̐̎ͮ̆͝o̭͇̫̻̹̻̥̳͒̌ͫ ̵͓̲ͬͨ̾́ͯ̅́̒m̵̧̗̰̰̬͎̜̔ͬ́ͪͬå̸̵̘͔̹̰͇͍͉̫k͈̝ͫͅe̶̓͐̌ͬ̇̀ͩ҉̛̰͖ ̸͕͎̘̟̹͛̏̔ͯáͦͭ͒͒̃̾͡͏͍̱̠ ͔̝̉̓̀s̠̙̥͔͕̪̜ͯ̂̊̀ͅț̺̣͈̠̞̘̑̏e̢̜̳͈͇͍̹͔̋ͥͧ̕w̨͇͓͖̣͌̓̽̒͊͗̉,͕͍̜̻̹ͪ̆ͯ̏ͥ̒̈́̀͟ ̫̟̳̯̯̭͊͋̔́͞ e͚̜͑͌̇̀͠s̷̡̤͍̼̟͕̗ͫͩ̊ͯ͛̂͂͗p͔̘͍͖̌̃̓̇͒ͤë̻̼͓́͗͛͛̿͆̔̋ͬ͘cͬ̎̓̓̏͒͞҉̯̱̻͈̹̫i̬̮̦̘̬̮͉͚̓͒͐̊ͩ̅́͟a̛̟̯̥͊̑͠͞l̡̧̛̟͔̺̼̭̬̜̹̓͒ͩ͑̈́̆̓l̰͎͙̽̃ͭ͛y̷̷͓͙͙͎͔͆ͣ̌̍ͪͣͮ̂͡ ̲̞̹̭ͦ́̽́ẘ̡͇͇͇̝̯͇̠ͯ́̕h̬̐ͤ͟e̼͍̯͙̦̟̞̠ͦ̾͡͝ņ̤͖̯̰̗̳͙̦͈ͪ̐̊͛͗͋̏̀͠ ̸̓ͥ͐ͭ̎͆ͣ̊͢͏͚̝̼͇͇i̵̟͓̦ͯ̉̉͐̿͛ͤ̓̊͡t̟̳̹̼͖̻́ͪ̄ͦ̈́͟’̧̨̩̗͐̚s̴̳̠͕͈͉̝̏̎̋ͬ̓ ̹̳̰͍͍̝͉̮͍ͥ͑ͭͧͭ̓͐̑͑͟m̷̅͆́̑ͣ͆̄̚҉͚̗͖͓̬ẽͭ̊̔҉͖ ̮̠͉̱ͧ̈́͝ą̯͕͊̇͋͂̈́̇͊̀n̴̡̢̻̹̫͍̯̮̈́͋d̷̟̜̮͂̏ͧͧ̈̅͗ͤ̌͟ ̨̹͉͇͕́̏̀y̴̞̻̭̳̜͌ͩ͌͐̏́ͥ̚o͚ͬṳ̩̱̜̟̘͔̋͐͗̄͊͟.̷̢̼̯̯̟̬̯̰̤̩ͦͫͬ
    ̩͎͖̬͎̊̐ͦ̌͐̃̚Ť̢͙̟̉̓̇̑O̷̭̲̗̫̠͔͓̗̼ͥ͂̂̇ͪ͗͜Ò̴҉̝̼̺͙ ̨ͮ̓͑̂̂̇̐͒҉̜̦̬̟̩͡M̺̼̹̲̰̰̘͔͆ͭ̃͒́͜͠A̰̜̜͐̉̎̇Ṅ͍̖͔̜̭̙̦͎̀̅̿̈ͥYͣ̇ͦ͏̸͕̫̘͟ ͍͇̪̯͕̺̦̱̐ͤͤ͟͡C̴̴̹̺̰͎̭͍ͦͯͣ̆ͩ̌̔̒̏͟ͅƠ̠͂̈́͟Ò̵̪̯̞̳̲̤͋̔͢͡K̳͇̿ͯ̔ͧ͡S͎̯̈ͣͭ͒̽ͨͫ̍̀ ͈͔̮͎̀͐̃̋͐̊̇ͨ͞T̺̩̩̮ͬͭͣ̈́̍̃̒͢͞O̷̵̞͔̙̭̻͉͋ͬͬ̂̄͞O̓̓̑ͮ̓̃̆ͩ̈҉҉̮̺̲̟͖̹̬͈͕ ͙̝͙̣̩̩̊͊̑M̨͔̤̖̱̜͉̘̆̇͛ͩ̅͐̉͘Ą̹̦͉̭̘̠̈́͌̽N͍̥̞͓̳͇̳͈͋͗̿ͩͅY̵̪̣͈̱̱̭̞̳͛ͫ̌̀̚ ͔͉̤͎̤̐̊̂͌Ç̲͇̤̖̉̃́͞O͉̤͍̜̘̅͒ͯ̕Ŏ̢͓̥̲̎́͑̍̓̿͝͞ͅK̲̭̝̟̣̭̯̱̾̽ͪ͛͒̽ͥŞ̹ͭ͋̓̓́͛̐ͤ ̰͔̦̖̠̣̯̓͢T̨͎͙̞̣̖̳̤̞̒̊̾̕͞ͅǪ̷̹͇͈͔͎̲̮͂͆ͭ̀O͖͚͖͍͚̅͆ͪ͂͆̓̀ ͙̤̠̙ͦ̊̔̈ͩ̅̾͆͊M̛̛͖̫͇̭͓̗̮ͤ̑ͥ͊ͭ̄̊A̯͖̪̖̬̻̪͓̅̽ͬ͑ͪ̓̍̔N͉̲̽ͨ̅̕Y̭͔̘̓̓͢͡ ̮̙͈̩̝͉̦̼́͗ͧͬͫ̈̅ͣC̣̜͉͍̦̲̯͐ͣͅO̳̠̩̬̻̜̲͒̽̀̿͟͝ͅO̦̳ͩͦ͢K̛͚̤͈̳͉̗͒̿̽͠͠S̶̡̝͔̈̾ͪ̿ͨ̂͢

  • Godzilla

    Godzilla

    "The arrogance of men is thinking nature is in their control and not the other way around."

    Kick Ass is fucking terrible as a leading man but I overrate the sheer will of Bryan Cranston, Ken Watanabe saying GOJIRA, and cool monster fights so here we are. Godzilla spitting fire is worth a few stars alone.