• Showgirls

    Showgirls

    ★★★

    You think I’m letting you sick freaks know where I land on Showgirls?

  • Anaconda

    Anaconda

    ★★½

    “Well, today’s a good day.”
    - Ice Cube and no one else

  • Renfield

    Renfield

    ★★½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    “I got the instructions off a Wiccan Tumblr.”

    Hoult and Cage work, but I reckon we could have dropped the entire crime syndicate/one-good-cop storyline entirely in favour of more screentime with the pair.

    The premise and cast had so much potential; I just don’t understand why half the cast on the poster were only featured in the B-plot.

  • Fall

    Fall

    ★★½

    “Don’t you wanna punch fear in the dick?”

    I don’t believe for a second that neither of these girls have seen Mulan. Partner also informs me that this is not how lightbulbs work. Fun movie!

  • The Super Mario Bros. Movie

    The Super Mario Bros. Movie

    ★★½

    Muscular Monkes are back in some small capacity, babyyyy.

  • Infinity Pool

    Infinity Pool

    ★★★

    Does the Dog Die? contributors having an existential crisis right now. Congrats to Brandon Cronenberg for maintaining - if not surpassing - the family legacy of psychosexual horror I never want to return to ever again in my life. 

    There are scenes in this where Alexander is at his most disheveled that he looks almost identical to his father. “Up for anything,” as my friend put it, Mia Goth is of course very good as always, but I think her…

  • Evil Dead Rise

    Evil Dead Rise

    ★★★

    Happy Mother’s Day!

  • Air

    Air

    ★★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Vehement anti-capitalists be bawling their eyes out when the weird shoe guy didn’t live to hear about the movie 😭

  • Teen Wolf: The Movie

    Teen Wolf: The Movie

    ★★★

    “Trust me, we’ve heard plenty of stories about teenaged werewolves. There’s always a new one.” 

    WHERE is ISAAC?

  • Journey to the Dark Head

    Journey to the Dark Head

    ★★★

    [live Daniel Dae Kim reaction]

  • I Am Your Mother

    I Am Your Mother

    ★★★½

    Not a single Toni Collette impression.

  • Sith

    Sith

    ★★★½

    Visions is by far the most exciting thing happening in Star Wars right now.

    I love a good anthology series, and while not everyone has brought their A-est of games, seeing these world-class studios offer their perspectives on an otherwise standardised universe is the most fun I’ve had with the franchise since Werner Herzog wanted to see the baby.

    Good first episode back!