• The Godfather

    The Godfather

    ★★★★★

    The Rise and Fall of Postwar America: 1945-73, 1973-2016 double feature of this and that presidential debate where Trump talked about his penis

  • Halloween Kills

    Halloween Kills

    ★½

    Local town where Ghoul visits to commit unspeakable murders every few years on Halloween SHOCKED to find Ghoul visiting to commit unspeakable murders on Halloween

  • Merrily We Go to Hell

    Merrily We Go to Hell

    ★★★

    That’s what I said when I got my positive test back!!!

  • The Northman

    The Northman

    ★★★★

    The libs were right about this movie: it’s a white supremacist film about the superiority of European culture made up of white people running around pretending to be dogs and eating ears for dinner while the Islamic world was inventing math

  • The Best Years of Our Lives

    The Best Years of Our Lives

    ★★★★★

    171 minutes of the most profound feeling ever put to film. I have never seen an American film of the 1940s express this much terror over the realization that everyone has just woken up into a new world (the son asking his father about the atom bomb, recounting that his teacher had told him that "we had all better start learning how to live together soon, or else..."!!!!!). It feels as if this emerged in the brief period where aesthetic…

  • Metal Lords

    Metal Lords

    ★★

    cute silly shit that i'd totally show my 11 year old kid if i ever have one.

    also i almost moved into this apartment once when I lived in portland lol

  • Return of the Jedi

    Return of the Jedi

    ★★★★

    Still horrified by the special edition fuckery here but my god, it's so true that Machete order *specifically* most benefits the experience of this movie. That said though what's actually operative here is that because of the lore and expanded universe stuff, we all have to find some counter-narrative to provide us the same emotional closure that the actual first-time theater goers experienced seeing this in 1983 with only two previous movies. I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing.

  • Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith

    Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith

    ★★★★

    The stuff with Grievous and the sequences on Utapau are quite possibly even worse than Episode Two, but as soon as the coup happens I couldn't help but feel....oh god I'm becoming a lib...that this is exactly what it feels like now.

    Machete order 4.

  • Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones

    Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones

    ★½

    COMPLETELY insane going from the end of Empire, inarguably 50 minutes of the most thrilling American cinema ever produced, to THIS in the Machete order lol

  • The Empire Strikes Back

    The Empire Strikes Back

    ★★★★★

    Machete order 2

  • Star Wars

    Star Wars

    ★★★★★

    Machete Order 1. Still the true masterpiece of the series.

  • The Siege

    The Siege

    ★★★½

    Children of Men-levels of “how did they know what was coming?”