Max Ahoy

Max Ahoy Patron

Favorite films

  • The 7th Voyage of Sinbad
  • Kizumonogatari Part 1: Tekketsu
  • High Noon
  • Hanuman and the Seven Ultramen

Recent activity

All
  • Next Goal Wins

    ★½

  • Evolution of a Filipino Family

    ★★★★

  • Madame Web

    ★★★★★

  • Argylle

    ★½

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  • Evolution of a Filipino Family

    Evolution of a Filipino Family

    ★★★★

    Easy Breezy Lemon Tragedies.

    I watched as it swallowed my father

    I watched as it swallowed my mother 

    I watched as it swallowed my brothers 

    I watched as it swallowed my sisters 

    I watched as it swallowed my home 

    I watched as it swallowed my town 

    I watched as it swallowed my region 

    I watched as it swallowed the country I live in 

    I watched as it chewed up everything it took from us 

    I watched as it spat it all out demanding for more 

    But there is none more to give

  • Death Proof

    Death Proof

    ★★★

    The Manic Madlad Maestro of the Movie House: Quentin Tarantino

     Zoë Bell is that bad bitch. 

    Cruel chauvinism carelessly careening down every county curve, causing any cynic chaos they can. 

    As ruthless in their extreme exploits of the unwary as they are in their brutally bullheaded beliefs of fathomless supremacy. 

    Oh to look on and witness them be pummeled into a pitiful pile of pathetic piss is truly one of life’s greatest pleasures. 

    A taste so satisfyingly scrumptious you’d swear you were slurping on the finest milkshake in existence. 

Recent reviews

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  • Next Goal Wins

    Next Goal Wins

    ★½

    Bro should’ve sat out for this one.

    Taika using ChatGPT to create the most trite Taika flic to date is truly one of the moves of all time to take. 

    Gotta say this one’s a foul for me folks hahahahahaha.

  • Madame Web

    Madame Web

    ★★★★★

    It’s gonna be torrent time soon.

    Spent the entirety of Valentine's Day alone this year. The major caveat my girlfriend and I have discovered after being in a semi long distance relationship for almost three years now is the absolute worst part of it is the waiting period. Nothing worse than waiting two maybe even upwards of three weeks till you can finally see them for at most eight or nine hours out a single day, only for the day…

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  • Evil Dead Rise

    Evil Dead Rise

    ★★★

    Now that’z a rizzalicious title rize. 

                      DEAD BY DAWN DEAD BY DAWN
                      DEAD BY DAWN DEAD BY DAWN
                      DEAD BY DAWN DEAD BY DAWN
                      DEAD BY DAWN DEAD BY DAWN 
                      DEAD BY DAWN DEAD BY DAWN 
           …

  • Skinamarink

    Skinamarink

    ★★★★

    If you spent 85% of a viewing going 👀, did you ever really watch a film? I’ll say yes this time around.

    I hate it!

    Fuck this shit
                                     I hate it I hate it
                               I hate it I hate it I hate it
                   …