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  • Enemy at the Gates

    Enemy at the Gates

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Enemy at the Gates depicts the bloodiest battle in human history as a love triangle in which Soviet Commissar qua journalist Danilov (Joseph Fiennes) must grapple with communism's fundamental failure to consider the eternal hierarchy of sexual desire when his zionist intellectual crush Tania (Rachel Weisz) chooses the chad sniper Zaitsev (Jude Law) instead of him. Communism, as we see, is the rule by the insecurities of people who are more concerned with shooting their own retreating troops than fighting…

  • Interview with the Vampire

    Interview with the Vampire

    love the whole gay vampire thing but god damn does this movie fall off in the second half. totally loses all magic once the devilish Lestat (tom cruise) is out of the picture. banderas is just totally squandered. also seems like an oversight for them to be in Paris in 1870 and not have any vampirical connection to the imminent Paris Commune

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  • La Chinoise

    La Chinoise

    ★★★★★

    "theyre just like me and my internet friends"

  • Spring Breakers

    Spring Breakers

    better the first time around, before everything vaporwave got so played out. mistakenly thinks that the early 2010s mdma decadence works with terrence malick pacing. noteworthy for how gucci mane met marilyn manson at the premier, beginning a fruitful period of collaboration on songs like "pussy wet (fancy bitch)" during the unhinged lean-induced twitter meltdown period before gucci went back to jail