RSS feed for Mike
  • Ant-Man

    Ant-Man

    ★★★★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    chugga chugga CHOO CHOO

  • Rocketman

    Rocketman

    ★★★½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    So much better than bohemian rhapsody...a movie that actually had conflict and tension EXCEPT...
    Wtf with that super flat boring ending. Seeing his complete downward spiral ending in rehab is the logical conclusion, but I wanted something more substantial to conclude on than just talking to Bernie. Hell, even a Mamma Mia style credits sequence of Elton performing post-recovery (after the present-day update) would’ve been good enough for me, showing Elton back on his feet and performing for the masses again.

  • The Prince of Egypt

    The Prince of Egypt

    I feel like I’ve learned more about the story of Moses in the last 100 minutes than I had in a childhood of CCD

  • In a World...

    In a World...

    ★★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Are we just gonna glaze over the fact that Moe came up with “sandwich bar” while trying to hide from his wife the fact that his hot neighbor was naked in their shower?

  • Murder Mystery

    Murder Mystery

    ★★★

    Not the worst recent Adam Sandler movie

  • Don Jon

    Don Jon

    ★★★½

    I couldn’t shake the feeling that Jon was just Tom (JGL’s character) from (500) Days of Summer who didn’t learn anything from his relationship with Summer, struck out with Autumn, and then moved back to Jersey after losing his job at the greeting card factory, where he continued to misunderstand how to be a decent human being and instead turned to a life of misogyny and addiction to porn... but maybe that’s just me.

  • Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!

    Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!

    ★★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    I don’t get it, is Varla’s car named Pussycat?

  • Spy Kids 2: The Island of Lost Dreams

    Spy Kids 2: The Island of Lost Dreams

    I grew up wanting to be as cool as Carmen and Juni and now I’m 23 and still want to be as cool as Carmen and Juni

  • The Favourite

    The Favourite

    ★★★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    The slow burn of realizing that Emma Stone betrayed us as much as she betrayed Sarah and the Queen, with her cute ears and wide eyes, was painful most of all, and she deserves to nonsexually rub the queens legs until the end of her days.
    ---
    Stray Thought 1: the ending of this movie was more uncomfortable than anything I think I’ve experienced ever. If you’re gonna be gay and crying in front of a fireplace at least play…

  • Proud Mary

    Proud Mary

    ★★

    This movie felt like "The Room" with a legit producer and cast...to say, Taraji P. Henson did a great job playing a flimsy character, the stunt team did a great job in poorly-written fight scenes, and the trailer was flipping awesome even if it didn't accurately portray the quality of the movie represented.

    But honestly, my biggest gripe is that they played the song "Proud Mary" TWICE within twenty minutes of each other... if they're gonna use the song in…

  • Aquaman

    Aquaman

    I spent most of this movie thinking it was marvel and not DC, so I guess that says something about how far they’ve come since Green Lantern

  • Spider-Man: Homecoming

    Spider-Man: Homecoming

    ★★★★½

    I’ve honestly not seen a movie with smoother invisible transitions since Birdman like three years before it