Hooker with a Hacksaw

Hooker with a Hacksaw ★★★

This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

This review may contain spoilers.

Late-ish into his career Jess Franco discovered his muse in the form of the lusty and busty Lina Romay. Donald Farmer appears to have discovered his muse late in his career in the curiously-named Kasper Meltedhair. Personally I would have added a Von in the middle to make it more dignified. She's also not-so-curiously maimed with her facial piercings, questionable tattoos and ear lobe stretchings which look like they could comfortably accommodate a penis of average girth. Why old man Farmer would want to cavort around with this trendy, young pixie with her deviant, fashion-flesh is uncertain. Perhaps it makes him feel young again but when he was young women burned their bras, had long hair and didn't use deodorant.

Kasper plays Kirsten here which is the same name as her Cannibal Hookers character. She's more of a phone sex operator than an actual hooker but will meet up for the right motivation. I liked her selling herself in the hopes to buy an action figure more than for pills. At least action figures have resale value. Kasper isn't a stellar actress but she does have endearing facial expressions and despite her outward appearance comes off more goofy and awkward than someone capable of brutal murder, almost innocent. Despite the sleazy subject matter the film is mostly devoid of nudity and explicit sex. I enjoyed the scene of Kirsten visiting the same flea market as in Cannibal Hookers. She flips through some records which look like the same awful selection you'd find in most indoor flea markets, stuff like $5 Bert Kaempfert, Al Hirt and Mantovani records which will be there until the universe dies of heat death. Her in person meet ups always end up being with dudes with weird fetishes and she almost gets snuffed out in one. She gorily hacks off a head with a hacksaw to escape. After this she meets a girl and visits party city trying on various masks. She discovers a guy in the parking lot trying to choke a woman to death and then he tries to choke her. He gets the hacksaw to the crotch as she laughs and cusses him out unconvincingly. She guts another potential john rubbing the guts all over herself while erotically stroking part of an intestine.

Eventually things get really bad as her new friend is abducted by the would be snuffer. We get more gore and more filler as the film winds down. Kirsten eventually passes her hacksaw to a young child who gleefully starts sawing away at her dolls. Two random girls get into an argument over hacking up dude's with a hacksaw and we end with the iconic line "please don't be a hooker with a hacksaw". Overall, this is a fun and kind of sleazy and gory film that lasts about 64 minutes with about another 6 minutes of end credits as the gory intestine murder plays under them. Kasper makes an interesting main character and the men are all gleefully perverted, horny and sadistic. They also all die horribly. There's also a killer thrash tune over the opening credits. Like all Donald Farmer films this has its fair share of filler and dodgy filmmaking/acting but if you ignore the almost complete lack of nudity it should appeal to any of his fans.