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  • Pet Sematary

    Pet Sematary

    ★★★★

    Me, rocking my absolute chub of a cat back and forth like a baby: Are you gonna murder me? Huh? Are yooou gonna murder me?!

    There are horror movies. And, then there are scary movies. I’ll start by saying that I have not seen the original 1989 flick nor have I gotten around to reading Stephen Kong’s glorious novel. (Don’t start. Boohoo, leave me alone.)

    But, Pet Semetary (2019) benefits from its boost into the modern era, forgetting CGI and…

  • Us

    Us

    ★★★½

    They come in twos. You come in twos. You and you. Kill your double. :)

    Jordan Peele returns to horror with a hefty & nightmarish vision, yet stumbles midway through, falling back on the good ole "stupid people make stupid decisions" cliche hard.

    Hard enough that he breaks his leg & spends the rest of the film on crutches.
    ...
    ...
    That guy Gabe really loved boats didn't he?

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  • A Knight's Tale

    A Knight's Tale

    ★★★★

    “My lords, my ladies, and everybody else here not sitting on a pin cushion!

    Today... today, you find yourselves equals.

     For you are all equally blessed. For I have the pride, the privilege, nay, the pleasure of introducing to you to a knight, sired by knights. A knight who can trace his lineage back beyond Charlemagne. I first met him atop a mountain near Jerusalem, praying to God, asking his forgiveness for the Saracen blood spilt by his sword. 

    Next,…

  • The Highwaymen

    The Highwaymen

    ★½

    How do you make a story about Bonnie & Clyde dull enough to put old men to sleep? You take Bonnie & Clyde out of the picture entirely.

    If this was a book, I'd be happy enough to read it, as it makes one of the most boring films I've seen. There's slow. And, then there's slooow.

    Kevin Costner & Woody Harrelson make compelling leads, milking the concept & the script for all its worth. The score is fantastic, elevating the scenery of Oklahoma…

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  • The Favourite

    The Favourite

    ★★★★★

    A guy came in and sat a seat away from me. 

    He pulls out some Mike & Ikes and starts chewing. LOUDLY.

    I valued my sanity as well as the intact-ness of his jaw, so I moved 5 seats away from him.

    I could still hear him chewing.

    So I dreamt about stabbing him in the eye.

  • O Brother, Where Art Thou?

    O Brother, Where Art Thou?

    ★★★★

    In the literature department of my college, which was settled in the heart of the Appalachian mountains (and whose very motto was Latin for “In the mountains, of the mountains, for the mountains”), it was known as that film.

    I wrote a dissertation about this film, stating how the modern revival of folk music can be traced back to the Coen Brothers most recognizable film.

    I won’t bore you with the thesis of that paper. Much can be said about…