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  • The 36th Chamber of Shaolin

    The 36th Chamber of Shaolin

    ★★★★½

    Tfw they tell you to git gud so you do

  • The Mummy Returns

    The Mummy Returns

    What am I doing with my life

  • The Mummy

    The Mummy

    No one alive makes “fun” movies as boring or leaden as Stephen Sommers

  • Godzilla

    Godzilla

    ★½

    Sick viewing.

    The climax of this film is a treasure trove of product placement for stuff that no longer exists.

  • Deadpool 2

    Deadpool 2

    ½

    Simultaneously evokes the sensation of Jeff Dunham comedy, wallet chains, Korn t-shirts, “boobs” on a calculator, Ben Shapiro’s sense of humor, rage comics, and the scent of vape smoke.

  • Skyscraper

    Skyscraper

    ★½

    Why do all movies look like this now?

  • Collateral

    Collateral

    ★★★★

    "'What does it matter?' It doesn't.

    So fix it..."

  • Stealth

    Stealth

    ★★★½

    The apex predator of porridge-brained War on Terror action cinema, stirring archetypal global boogeymen into a hormonal stew that suggests its legendarily meatheaded director saw the previous year’s “Team America: World Police” and had the joke fly over his head. Indeed, there are hints that W.D. Richter had conceived this as a satire of sorts, but my pet theory is his original conception got caught up in the cogs of studio machinery to produce something where the tone of straight-faced…

  • Us

    Us

    ★★★

    Weird that this movie is only an hour long. Anyway, pretty good!

  • Polar

    Polar

    There was like three times I thought this was almost over and was wrong

  • Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom

    Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom

    ★★

    Dinosaurs are cool. Exploding volcanoes are cool. Bryce Dallas Howard is cute. I liked the scene with all three of these things.

    I was, in a weird way, an apologist for the original Jurassic World, since a spectacle of the worst impulses of consumer moviemaking is at least a spectacle. But Jesus Christ, why does 70% of this zillion dollar movie take place in a fucking warehouse?

  • Velvet Buzzsaw

    Velvet Buzzsaw

    Oh fuck off