Synecdoche, New York

Synecdoche, New York

I've only seen this film once before, as an intellectually and emotionally underprepared 9th grader. And now, I'm watching the week of returning to teaching, intellectually and emotionally underprepared. This time though, I think I understand Kaufman's movie; or at least, I understand my reaction to it.

Simply put, I felt deeply sad and then, deeply humbled. Yes, this was made over a decade ago, but it feels so immediate—the entanglement of identity and trauma and love and death, the inability to comprehend our/their emotional totality.

I'm trying to remember: In 9th grade, I would have been nervous about high school and I would have had a crush on a girl who would fade from my life shortly after. I'm sure my eyes glazed over while watching Synecdoche and I probably pretended to like it because Roger Ebert did. Now though, I'm nervous about school again, I'm with someone who will not quickly fade, and I don't have to pretend because I felt this entirely.

Identity collapsing into itself until the singularity is discovered, until the universe reveals.

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