I want to murder a lighthouse wickie
And bury him next to me
I want to slaughter a lighthouse wickie
Right by the side of the sea
He'll polish his knob with a cry of glee
A scrimshaw mermaid on his knee
I want to butcher a lighthouse wickie
Won't that be okay?

We'll find a head in the old cistern
Drink turpentine by the shore
We'll invite the mighty Kraken in
And one-eyed seagulls by the score

I dream of farting in a lighthouse, baby
Every single day
I dream of carnage in a lighthouse
The white one by the bay
So if you want to make my fevered dreams come true
You'll be a lighthouse wickie too
We could die in a lighthouse
The white one by the bay

You'll polish your knob 'til it's bright as day
So the ships at night can find their way
I wanna rub one out on a lighthouse wickie
Won't that be okay?

You can stick your arm in the Fresnel lens
And then fall down the stairs
The gulls will peck your eyes out
And leave guano in your hair
I'd love dying in a lighthouse, baby
How 'bout you?

I dream of slaying in a lighthouse, baby
Every single day
I dream of madness in a lighthouse
The white one by the bay
So if you want to make my Promethean fate come true
You'll be a lighthouse wickie too
We could die in a lighthouse, baby
The white one by the bay
Won't that be okay?

[...Distorted Electric Ukulele and Kazoo Solo played through Marshall Stack...]