• Saw

    Saw

    ★★½

    Uff Da! This movie has not aged well. For being less than 20 years old it sure looks about 4,000. You can see the seeds of the master film maker Wan would become in later years, but this is one rough ass demo tape. This thing lurches all over the place like a drunken sailor on shore leave. It’s like the movie starts, stops and restarts every 7 minutes for the first hour. This fucker is really damn sloppy narratively. …

  • Birds of Prey (and the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn)

    Birds of Prey (and the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn)

    ★★★★

    From a comment I made on my first review for this film after seeing it theatrically opening weekend:

    “It’s important that people are getting something out of this movie and feeling seen by its aesthetic and tone. I woefully admit my preferences and indoctrinated biases for this sort of entertainment likely negatively informed my reaction to it. I respect what it was going for, but I think my expectations were too high and the disappointment with its wasted potential really…

  • Suicide Squad

    Suicide Squad

    ★★½

    With a vast ocean of cinematic selection at my fingertips last night, I chose to watch this abomination. A film I’ve seen and hated each of the three times I’ve subjected myself to it before. Financed by the slithering slime who would go on to be master of coin under Trump’s despotic rule and blatantly existing solely to exorcise WB’s callous desire to emulate and reproduce the success of a film that was legitimately funny, offbeat and heartfelt. 

    SKWAD emblematizes…

  • Wrong Turn

    Wrong Turn

    ★½

    Artless Midsommar. The lead female even looked just like Pugh. This is drab and shabby, shaggy and flabby. In a word, pointless. 

    This felt like the writer and director behind it really imagined they were making some pretty cutting observations about America or race or family or something. But the way this piles one nonsense plot development on top of another, like surplus logs in an already clogged toilet, could not possibly have added up to any less. 

    It keeps…

  • Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs & Shaw

    Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs & Shaw

    ★★★

    Pretty fun I guess, but awfully goddamn baggy and overlong. There’s two really spectacular set pieces to put the punctuation on the first and second acts, but man, that finale didn’t do a hell of a lot for me. I guess I liked the slow-mo rain fight with all the Matrix Revolutions face punching. That was fun. 

    I don’t know. What is there to say about this, really? I bet Universal is super relieved they got this movie about releasing…

  • The Fate of the Furious

    The Fate of the Furious

    ★★★★

    I had a disproportionate amount of fun with this going by how low its score is everywhere that tallies such things. Not to mention the rock bottom estimation most enthusiasts of the series anecdotally seem to hold this entry in. I thought it was the best one apart from 5!

    On top of being jam packed with loads of fantastic action, this is actually funny, has a plot that makes sense and even takes baby steps for this franchise toward…

  • Furious 7

    Furious 7

    ★★★½

    Not to straw man it up too much, but I find it hilarious how most of the same podcasters and online movie personalities that mercilessly mock Zack Snyder’s films for their purported stupidity, love this sub-moronic series to death. 

    The Fast and Furious films are insultingly stupid. The kind of idiotic, low brow garbage you couldn’t conceivably graft subtext on, even if you tried. Just meaningless, artless mush for mouth breathers and gas station attendants. Pea-brained nonsense for fucking nincompoops.…

  • Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice

    Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice

    ★★★★★

    If you’d like to read a more politically minded and thoughtful reading of BVS, I’m rather proud of THIS one I wrote last summer after George Floyd. What I have to say today is going to be more of the Chris-Farley-interviewing-Paul-McCartney variety. 

    When I was about 11 years of age, in 1988 or so, was when I was irretrievably lost to movies forever. When my childish preoccupation with genre escapism began to present itself as full blown, all encompassing malady.…

  • Man of Steel

    Man of Steel

    ★★★★½

    Still the most operatic and artistically resplendent superhero movie, maybe ever. The densely beautiful Amir Mokri cinematography, the lush, almost painfully gorgeous Zimmer score. The wildly evocative production design and majestically painterly CGI. This is such a singular vision, so much an above the title, ZACK SNYDER movie.

    I guess some people really hate that about it, which, fine....whatever. I love the MCU and get a lot of enjoyment out of most of their output, but Snyder’s DCEU is so…

  • Mortal Kombat

    Mortal Kombat

    ★★

    I saw this in theaters back in 1995 and wasn’t much into it then. I’ve never been a video game guy and that, along with my opinion of this, hasn’t changed much in the intervening quarter century. This is just narratively senseless, lurching incomprehensibly from one moronic plot point to another. You can’t really even call them plot points. It’s all just scattershot incident punctuated by generic fight routines. 

    It does briefly come to life during the Scorpion/Johnny Cage fight…

  • Gantz:O

    Gantz:O

    ★★½

    I mean...sure. I guess. Right? 

    Startlingly imaginative and ceaselessly gruesome. But really the horror of it all starts to blur together into one unending melange of tiresome juvenilia.

  • Monster Hunter

    Monster Hunter

    ★★★½

    THIS is exactly what I’ve been missing this year. Monster Hunter is the kind of overseas $ play that makes the first 2 months of the year tolerable. Seeing preposterous hokum like this in a mostly empty IMAX in late January cause Star Wars or whatever December tentpole had finally vacated it is precisely the kind of shit I live for. It’s no IMAX, but this hitting my home theater in razor sharp 4K and assaultively bombastic Dolby Atmos sure…