Rafael "Parker!!" Jovine’s review published on Letterboxd:
You are about to enter another dimension, a dimension where the teen vampires saga suddenly becomes Harry Potter (WTF?!). A journey into a land where wolves doesn't shy away from their pedophilia in the slightest and war is just a premonition. Next up, my Twilight review!
Well, here it is. The film that actually pushed me into the madness. The film that lead me to disappoint my son Logan and raise each one of your eyebrows. The film that will definitely have some of you question my sanity after the somewhat "high" rating (*cough* Rose *cough*).
And man, what a way to finish? I remember just this morning this little film about a shinning vampire falling in love with an emo girl, and now we are calling Bohemian Rhapsody (Spanish speaking audience might get the joke), bunch of look-alike blonde vampires (seriously at least there will like 5 that looked pretty similar) and Michael Sheen in the most hysterical laugh ever to be heard in a teen drama, and ever will... no one can challenge that giggle.
Okay, so granted, the whole thing with our lead love triangle is just the same stuff. Same ole, same ole. Like you, Rose, mentioned, the actors have grown so weary of this movie they don't even look alike. If they were a bunch of twenty somethings pretending to be high schoolers, now they look like thirty somethings playing college students, which is weird. Especially after seeing Bella being an emo, all the sudden just jumping around and having fun was like "WOAAAAH! Hold onto your horses lady, where did all that come from and why did you keep it to yourself the past four films?"
Luckily, at least for me, I really liked our stars were sorta put aside and we get some room to know and learn all the X-Men, I mean, vampires of the universe. The whole shift tone was definitely very sudden, but at least for me, very welcoming. I can tell you right away this is the best version of the Dark Phoenix saga ever to be put into screen, of course, the saddest thing is that this is not X Men, which of course then becomes very telling of the two attempts to Dark Phoenix *wuah wuah wuaaaaahhh*.
Two final things: the final credits with all the actors and stuff, very fitting with the whole soap opera/early teen drama tone, but I would have chosen another song, now picture this, what if they went with "Save Me" by Remy Zero... now that would have been DOOOOOPE. And of course, the most important question everyone has been wondering.... what team am I? And you know, after thinking so much about it, after seeing all the PROs and CONs, the whole story arc and everything, man, this will be very controversial.... but I am gonna say it... I... Rafael Elias Jovine Frometa.... am.... #TeamRenesmee #CreepyCGIFTW BOOOYA! *Mic drop* I'm out. PEACE!
All in all, just like "Indiana Jones and The Crystal Skull," this is a series that hasn't gotten the undeservedly bad reputation it has gotten throughout the years. Sure, its mostly bad, with a few moments of actual decency. But just like most of its performers (except Taylor, sorry bro!), years have proven this not to be the next black plague.... or maybe it does? Maybe I just got caught in the Twilight zone.