I love John Wick because he knows exactly how seriously to take himself - not at all.
This is a goddamn hot mess. Straight up feels like a student movie or a short film expanded in a way that tortures the concept (which isn't that original). Cuts are excruciatingly long, lingering on characters in such an unnatural way you cringe just looking at the screen. I have no idea what possessed Clive Owen or Amanada Seyfried to star in this flaming turd, but I was outright embarrassed for both of them.