Matisse van Rossum’s review published on Letterboxd:
Valhalla Rising is one of the most boring films I've seen in a really long time. It's a non-story with non-characters set amidst moody establishing shots of mountains and fog. This film is all style and no substance. The cinematography is beautiful, but it gets so repetitive that I was begging for something different by the end of the first half hour. And though the setting changes (slightly), it offers nothing new. I honestly do not understand at all why everyone likes this film so much. I don't know if people are blinded by the beautiful way it's shot or by the few gory violent scenes, but for me, neither of these things make up for lack of story. I've never seen so little happen in an hour and a half. After watching it, I read the Wikipedia plot summary to make sure I hadn't missed anything, and it claims all this intricate subtext that just wasn't there when watching the film. I'm all for being subtle and ambiguous, but this seems more like a case of assuming the audience understands your intentions as a director as well as you do, which often times, is not the case.
This is the worst role I've ever seen Mads Mikkelsen in, but it's probably because HE DOESN'T HAVE ANY LINES. He's an incredible actor, who has proven this on more than one occasion, my favorite case being Thomas Vinterberg's The Hunt, but he has nothing to work with in Valhalla Rising. One-Eye is a silent protagonist who glares at a lot of things and occasionally kills some people. An absolute waste of good talent.
If Valhalla Rising contained something more substantial than it does, it could be a magnificent film. The ingredients are there, but they aren't combined to make anything. Watching this film is like going to a restaurant, ordering a steak, and being brought a raw cut of meat, an unpeeled and uncut onion, some uncooked mushrooms, and a bunch of seasonings. You've got everything you need to make a delicious steak with caramelized onions and mushrooms, but that's not why you went out to eat. That's exactly what Nicolas Winding Refn has done here. He gives you the ingredients to make a good film, but doesn't do it himself, and that's not why you go to the movies.
Enough with this extended metaphor though. Valhalla Rising is disappointing, plain and simple. Watch it if you want something to lull you to sleep. Or maybe you'll enjoy it, because it seems like I'm the only person in the world who didn't.