Matisse has written 5 reviews for films rated .

  • The Master of Disguise

    The Master of Disguise

    As a child I loved this movie. As an adult... it broke me. I laughed at a fart joke, and I am ashamed.

  • Hellraiser: Hellseeker

    Hellraiser: Hellseeker

    What a mess. I would honestly rather just forget that Hellseeker is a part of the Hellraiser series. It's bad, and not even funny bad. It has an unnecessarily convoluted premise, spurred on by trope after trope and ridiculous non-logic. It's got every cliche you could imagine, creepy old ladies and token black detective included. It makes a halfhearted effort to connect to the original but only succeeds in insulting that masterpiece.

    And holy fuck, how many dream sequences can…

  • Freddy Got Fingered

    Freddy Got Fingered

    Fuck Tom Green, and fuck this movie.

  • Valhalla Rising

    Valhalla Rising

    Valhalla Rising is one of the most boring films I've seen in a really long time. It's a non-story with non-characters set amidst moody establishing shots of mountains and fog. This film is all style and no substance. The cinematography is beautiful, but it gets so repetitive that I was begging for something different by the end of the first half hour. And though the setting changes (slightly), it offers nothing new. I honestly do not understand at all why…

  • Armageddon


    You know, when I started watching Armageddon, it started off so silly that I thought I was in for a good bad movie and I got excited. With each new cast member that was revealed, I got more and more excited because it looked like the setup for a hilarious action thriller. But after about the first hour, I noticed something. This movie was actually taking itself seriously. Really seriously. That's when everything started to go wrong.

    Everything in Armageddon…