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The Master of Disguise 2002
As a child I loved this movie. As an adult... it broke me. I laughed at a fart joke, and I am ashamed.
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Hellraiser: Hellseeker 2002
What a mess. I would honestly rather just forget that Hellseeker is a part of the Hellraiser series. It's bad, and not even funny bad. It has an unnecessarily convoluted premise, spurred on by trope after trope and ridiculous non-logic. It's got every cliche you could imagine, creepy old ladies and token black detective included. It makes a halfhearted effort to connect to the original but only succeeds in insulting that masterpiece.
And holy fuck, how many dream sequences can…
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Valhalla Rising 2009
Valhalla Rising is one of the most boring films I've seen in a really long time. It's a non-story with non-characters set amidst moody establishing shots of mountains and fog. This film is all style and no substance. The cinematography is beautiful, but it gets so repetitive that I was begging for something different by the end of the first half hour. And though the setting changes (slightly), it offers nothing new. I honestly do not understand at all why…
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Armageddon 1998
You know, when I started watching Armageddon, it started off so silly that I thought I was in for a good bad movie and I got excited. With each new cast member that was revealed, I got more and more excited because it looked like the setup for a hilarious action thriller. But after about the first hour, I noticed something. This movie was actually taking itself seriously. Really seriously. That's when everything started to go wrong.
Everything in Armageddon…