Cats ½

Has to be seen to be truly fucking believed. It’s as if a bunch of celebrities were rounded up to serve some sort of perverse community service sentence. I don’t know whether to be angry, confused or in awe. What I do know is James Corden as one of these ghastly PS3 game engine rendered mutations is one of the most terrifying things I’ve seen. In the same respect seeing Ian McKellen lap water out of a bowl adorned in such a way is one of the fucking saddest things I’ve ever seen. There’s nothing decipherable about anything transpiring at any given point the entire time. I’ve never been subjected to such incoherence on a professional level. Jennifer Hudson is the film’s saving grace but her cries and pleas for something more are smothered by a cacophonous tidal wave of horny nightmare fuel. Hooper wields his directorial power brazenly like an Arthurian sword and plunges its cold blade directly into the heart of cinema. 

Also, this is the greatest horror film of all time.

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