Star Wars: The Last Jedi

Star Wars: The Last Jedi

So this morning when I was at work, a few of the people I work with started having a conversation about Star Wars. Naturally I was going to join in, but it quickly shifted into "so what do you think about the new movies and what Disney is doing" and it took all of 10 seconds for me to retreat back to my desk and listen in from a distance. One of the guys, idk his name, let's call him Bob, was like an angry fanboy YouTube commenter come to life. The conversation more or less just turned into him ranting about about The Last Jedi and how much he hated it and how it's killed Star Wars and that, no, I am not shitting you, "a piece of his childhood is gone."

Eventually, one of the other guys turned to me to ask my opinion, to which, in an effort to avoid any and all conflict, I replied: "Oh, I've never seen Star Wars."

If you know me, you know how insane that is that I had to do that, but that's what this fandom has become, so I guess that's just reality now.

Anyways, their conversation ended with Bob storming off all angry about Last Jedi and how it ruined his life or whatever, and everyone went back to their work. Now, being the spiteful little shithead I am sometimes, I'm watching the movie again (and loving the fuck out of it!) out of spite.

I wrote down a few of my favorite pieces from Bob's angry fanboy rant, and instead of moving on with my day like I probably should, I'm going to share each of them here, and follow each of them up with what I would have said in response if I felt like getting into an argument with a neckbearded neanderthal.

-“The woman running Lucasfilm, Kathleen Kennedy; she's just trying to force these (in air quotes) 'strong women' into everything and make it all about them.”

Well, for any self concious dude that reeks of toxic masculinty with a baby carrot for a dick, sure, that would be a problem, but for the rest of us normal people who have seen the original six Star Wars movies led majorly by males, not to mention the sci-fi/fantasy genre over the last several decades, again, being majorly led by males, and realize that representation for people of all genders/races/religions/sexualities/etc is important to be seen in leading roles, it's no problem at all. Not only that, but "force"? What's forced about it? It's never forced when a guy is in the lead, or is strong and powerful, but a girl? Oh... god forbid. Give me a break. Also, there have been plenty of strong males characters under Disney's reign; Poe? Finn? older Luke? older Han? Kanan? Ezra? Thrawn? Baze and Chirrut? Ring any bells? or do those not count because they don't fit your dumbass narrative?

-"If you have to defend your movie on twitter clearly it's a bad movie"

Except um... no? Ever seen 2001? Mullholland Drive? Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind? (probably not because you're too busy jerking off to Rogue One for the millionth time) Not every movie gives you everything you need to fully digest it on the first viewing. Should they? Maybe, but that's not always the case. All Rian Johnson is doing is putting into plain english what was already there on the screen for you to see, even if it takes a few watches to see it. If people have questions, what do you want him to do? Ignore them like most filmmakers do? We're lucky to have someone who actually gives a shit about interacting with fans and explaining things to them. If he has to defend his movie on twitter, it's only because of you lunatics attacking him on there day in and day out who, quite frankly, come off as simpleminded idiots who I wouldn't be surpised if you needed most movies explained to you.

-“It ruined so many things”

Like what? Your lame ass Snoke theory? Your childhood fantasies of seeing old man Luke Skywalker doing triple backflips, taking down handfuls of Sith with a lightsaber, and pulling Star Destroyers out of the sky with the force like a video game character? Grow up. It didn't ruin anything. It evolved the franchise in terms of tone, theme, and storytelling style. You can not like it, but it didn't ruin anything. All of your hopes and dreams maybe, but if that's the case then you have bigger problems and need to get a life.

-“It’s one of the worst things I’ve ever seen in my life.”

Then dude, you need to either see more movies, or have some seriously bizarro taste.

-“All these directors care about is making something different and new and doing their own thing. They have no regard for what the fans want!"

...tbh I think this one speaks for itself.

-“I’m so angry thinking about it now!”

How sad. Here let me cheer you up. Alexa, play Canto Bight by John Williams.

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