• Transporter 2

    Transporter 2

    Representing a significant drop in quality and believability, the second installment of the Transporter series is still pretty fun, but nowhere near as good as the original.

    And that teal/orange color grading.... UGH!

  • The Transporter

    The Transporter

    In which The Stath covers his bare chest (glistening and muscular) in oil to beat up bad guys and save people being trafficked. His first starring role and he is perfect. Old school action and loads of fun.

    Shu Qi is also rather lovely.

  • The Last of the Mohicans

    The Last of the Mohicans

    Remaining one of my favorite films of all time, this in-name-only adaptation stuns you with it's flawless acting, gorgeous vistas, brutal action, and heart-wrenching story. The 90s truly was the king of the melodramatic historical drama, and this films stands among it's greatest.

    Easily Michael Mann's best film as well.

  • Equilibrium

    Equilibrium

    Fahrenheit 451, 1984, and THX-1138 merge together for story and The Matrix joins them for blistering action.
    This is the glorious film that takes a the classic depressing dystopian story and turns it into an incredible and memorable action film.

  • Don't Breathe 2

    Don't Breathe 2

    Correctly tries to fix the horrific twist at the end of the first film (clearly shoehorned in when the writers realized that Stephen Lang's character was hella sympathetic and the bitch protagonist who was robbing him was the real villain) that ruined the whole thing by trying to make a redemption/lesser of the two evils arc, then ramps up the brutal death count to 100, but completely fails at the atmospheric thrills of the original.

  • Once Upon a Time in Mexico

    Once Upon a Time in Mexico

    Goes waaaay overboard into the silly territory and takes away the chemistry between Banderas and Hayek. Too many side characters, a ridiculous coup plot, Banderas is basically not the same character. The whole thing feels like a different universe. And...uh... Enrique Iglesias is in this for some fucking reason.

  • Desperado

    Desperado

    Massively entertaining and heavily supported by the equally gorgeous charm of Banderas and Hayek. The action scenes are fun but are full of really bad comps (unharmed people flying in front of explosions and the like). But damn this is a guitarcase full of fun!

  • The Aristocats

    The Aristocats

    The premise and story is utterly stupid but the songs and characters are so damn fun that it's a joy to watch!

    There is also a lot of, ahem, sexual innuendo in this film, which I never picked up in previous viewings.

  • The Jungle Book

    The Jungle Book

    Tremendous visuals. Fantastically fun songs. Extremely likeable characters (both the heroes and the villains). An eternal classic.

  • One Hundred and One Dalmatians

    One Hundred and One Dalmatians

    Utterly adorable, innocent, and full of life. One of the best of the Silver Age and just pure goodness. The postwar British setting is also really nice, and it's the first Disney animation where the human characters are as important as the animal ones.

    Oh, and Cruella deserves death, not a revisionist film where she's the poor victim of muh pAtRiArChY.

  • Solomon

    Solomon

    Adding half a star because this film is better than I remember it being. From the same director that made the series highlights Joseph and Jesus (and also, oddly, the series low point Moses) this film details the rise, reign, and fall of Solomon. Like Joseph, this is a character story and not one that requires spectacle, which is where this series is strong. Director Roger Young brings back the beauty and the sensuality that was so strong in Joseph…

  • Sleeping Beauty

    Sleeping Beauty

    The character models are ugly. The backgrounds are ugly. The crowd scenes look like cardboard cutouts pasted onto the backgrounds. There is no character interactions with their surroundings. (look at the difference between this and Bambi. In that film the backgrounds look like elaborate oil paintings with the characters animated, and yet they interact beautifully). This makes the whole film feel disconnected, shallow, and hollow.

    The film is also... boring. Nobody has any real motivations. The "filler fun" in the…