YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT DEATH IS
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Barn of the Naked Dead 1974
The undervalued Andrew Prine plays the nutso highway psycho savior… picking up stranded women with ‘Good Samaritan’ charm while wearing the coat Kate Hudson made popular in Almost Famous and shackling them up in his barn to prepare them for his deranged weirdo circus of terror… you can imagine how that goes.
Opens strongly but starts to suffer from a case of the plods... other than that there’s some nice wide shots, I dug the soundtrack (especially the opening credit…
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Haunters: The Art of the Scare 2017
Shitty doc about the shitty haunt scene that bearded hipster online film ‘journalist’ specimens rave about ad nauseam in their ‘articles’ that are usually sandwiched between the ‘Halloween III is underrated… do you know it was hated when it came out?’ bullshit that never needs to be uttered again and entry level ‘thinkpiece’ swill connecting every horror movie in existence to some current news events to bolster whatever cause they fight for in their make believe ‘iM a wRiTeR WiTh iNfLuEnCe!’…
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The Apartment 1960
I’m not on here much anymore, but geez.. every other review on here spends more time critiquing other movie fans rather than the movies themselves… or political ramblings and folks stomping their feet saying shit like “put the barrel of a gun in their mouths and squeeze the trigger till it goes click” all for not liking the same movie.
You guys are wild lol… anyways, this movie is great—a total classic that I don’t revisit often… but when I do it still manages to feel even better than it did the time before..
Happy new year!
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The Gray Man 2022
Decent dopey 90’s action movie vibes. Didn’t love it… didn’t hate it… but it was solid late night slop to wash the edibles down and it did it’s job.
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Sting of Death 1966
Feels like a Floridian beach party Blood Island movie? With a jellyfish man monster that’s equal parts silly and awesome? Original jellyfish themed songs that disregard the Beatles? A pool party right next to a swamp? Gorgeous underwater everglade photography?
Yeah… totally in my wheelhouse
Over the past few years Arrow Video have put out two of my favorite releases to hit blu—the American Horror Project sets... regional films that have remained on the fringes of the genre either through…
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Uncharted 2022
Everything I like about movies but boiled down and concocted in the most egregious (to me) way that transforms it into everything I don’t like about movies. Look, I just slapped 3.5 stars on Wargames but this Haphazard swill wrapped up in a cookie cutter bow of meaninglessness is pure putrid shit.
Watching this was like an endless timeloop akin to rushing out of the house to a pharmacy to get flu medicine while looking like a thousand mistakes and the vision of pestilence itself—only to run into your ex who looks like a deity wrapped in a new lover. -
The Escapees 1981
Two patients, Michelle, a loud, rebellious troublemaker who wants to see the world, and Marie, a crestfallen recluse, escape an asylum and begin a journey across the French countryside with hopes for a meaningful life… they meeting various eccentrics along the way—criminals, exotic dancers, leather clad street pirates, fortune tellers, and sinister swingers.
This is a French punk road movie.
The supernatural horrors I associate with Rollin’s work are gone with this offering, but the director’s obsessions remain... mental asylums,…
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Jurassic World 2015
Not as fun as it was opening night with my folks but it’s still a decent popcorn muncher. Big Dino’s, big budget, and big fun… with a kinda ballsy mean streak involving that lady getting absolutely destroyed during the initial outbreak lol, and this is probably the last time that a T. rex saving the day will ever work on me.
Can’t say if I’ll ever watch this or any of these sequels ever again but I can say that one thing is official… I can’t stand Chris Pratt in anything other than parks and rec and believe me I tried!