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James has written 33 reviews for films during 2019.

  • Killer Bash

    Killer Bash

    I love these Canadian horror movies DeCoteau made in the 2000's. The Canadian accents always give it away. This one is a fun supernatural, college campus-set revenge movie. It's not a Rapid Heart flick but that doesn't stop him from filling this with as many hot college guys in the underwear as possible.

  • 666: Teen Warlock

    666: Teen Warlock

    This 33 minute short is apparently a pilot for an anthology show called Tales From The Grindhouse that I guess never went anywhere. I really like the format of a Rapid Heart-type series of half hour DeCoteau stories. I wish there were more.

    In this one, a hot guy finds out he's going to become a warlock when he turns 18 WHICH HAPPENS TO BE TOMORROW. Then he gets his powers and he and his buddy fight a demon named Kevin by running around a mansion, Scooby Doo-style. Everything happens really fast. It's like a 1313 movie without all the chest rubbing and working out.

  • 666: Kreepy Kerry

    666: Kreepy Kerry

    The final 1313 movie was released in 2012 but two years later Diamond Dave DeCoteau was still at it, albeit in a different California mansion. I'll never stop being endlessly entertained by the premises he comes up with to put some hot guys in a house and watch them wander around in their underwear. This one seems like it should have been light on plot because almost nothing happens in the first half hour outside of some writhing on the…

  • Bride of the Werewolf

    Bride of the Werewolf

    Is that the Spanish countryside? No it's some Central Pennsylvania woods. Is that Naschy off in the distance with a crossbow? No it most definitely is not. But that's ok because I can think of nothing better than for Mark to show off his love for Naschy movies by pitting a mummy against a werewolf in Ken Van Sant's house. I didn't know what a Polonia Brothers werewolf movie would be like but this wasn't it. It felt very natural…

  • Halloween Horrors

    Halloween Horrors

    Those early W.A.V.E./I.D.S. flicks all have a certain aura about them. An aura that manages to constantly fascinate me even though nothing all that interesting is actually happening. This is just an excuse to put two girls into typical W.A.V.E. situations: put her in a noose, put her in the racks, stick her in a coffin, and so on and so forth. It's kinda Halloweeny though in that it supposedly happens on Halloween and some people are in really weird costumes.

  • Scalps

    Scalps

    This movie transcends brilliance and just hits that sweet spot right between "holy shit" and "this is perfect". Fred said he had to figure out a way to make the cheapest movie possible so he wrote a script based around 6 kids, a station wagon, and a tent and he basically succeeded. I was really into the way this movie looked but I was even more into the way it sounded. That fucking synth score NEVER LETS UP. It's dark and foreboding AT ALL TIMES and gives the movie this menacing atmosphere that dark desert scalpings alone could not have mustered up.

  • The Alien Dead

    The Alien Dead

    This movie is really something else. It's a beautiful piece of regional Florida horror. Runnin' around swamps, lookin' for gators, findin' alien zombie monsters instead. It's like Don Dohler made a swamp movie. It's brilliant.

  • Beneath

    Beneath

    Holy shit I loved this fishmonster. I had a feeling, knowing Larry Fessenden, that it would be a practical effect and he delivered and then some. I loved that goofy snaggletoothed smile this vicious monster had every time it popped up to the surface to say hello. I was a sequel just so I can watch that fish swim around some more.

    The people are shitty teenagers but at least they're all really nice to look at. Like seriously, all…

  • House of the Black Death

    House of the Black Death

    What we have here is a patchwork quilt of a movie that, if I'm being completely honest, seemed to have it together pretty well to me. I know I'm not necessarily the most discerning viewer but I was expecting some obvious shoehorning and weird, hard to explain jumps in plot and honestly I didn't notice any. Now keep in mind that this movie ticks off SO MANY BOXES for me that I could be completely blinded. I love Jerry Warren.…

  • The House That Screamed

    The House That Screamed

    John wrote this screenplay in 4 days not knowing that it would be shot on 16mm film instead of digital video, and not knowing that the bulk of the movie would be filmed in Mark's house. As a result, he said the movie actually turned out better than he expected it to.

    I'm here to say that this movie stands out in the Polonia oeuvre, not just because the use of film is rare in their careers, but in that…

  • The Snake Woman

    The Snake Woman

    This absolutely charming little picture from the UK couldn't have won me over any better than it did. A small town scientist injecting snake venom into the blood of his pregnant wife? I mean come on! We all know that's gonna backfire and boy am I happy it did.

    Cut to 20ish years later and this town is still feeling the serpentine curse of that snakey baby and in comes a young, science minded officer from the Scotland Yard who's…

  • CIA Assassin: First Contract

    CIA Assassin: First Contract

    Another weirdo Debbie D custom video with the old dude. This one is making me wonder if I have any feeling left in my insides because it just seemed like weirdo Debbie D stuff while I was watching it but then I realized this is literally just an excuse to look at topless women through crosshairs and see "crime scene photographs" of 9 dead women. These PMS productions customs are fucking creepy but at least Debbie's making money off these weirdos.