North Sea Hijack ★★★★

"Both my parents died tragically in childbirth."

North Sea Hijack pretty much begins with Lloyds of London realising that oil rigs are a potential target for terrorists or criminals and that they bloody well ought to have a plan in place just in case.

So they bring in ffolkes, a man with his own private band of marines, who figures out how one would go about hijacking a rig and from there, how he would foil such a plan.

fflokes, Roger Moore sporting a splendidly fluffy beard, downs a bottle of whiskey like the Waco Kid, loves cats and embroidery and has a general disdain for anyone in the world who isn't him, particularly women. You may think that he is a character overburdened with eccentricities, but that's just your opinion.

So yes, this is one of those films where someone comes up with a plan to foil something very specific immediately before it happens. I can't think of any others off the top of my head, but I'm sure they're out there.

The hijackers in question are led by Anthony Perkins who has everything planned out and is very calm until he occasionally gets VERY SHOUTY for no accountable reason and Michael Parks who generally leers at everyone through his bottle bottom glasses.

And if that isn't enough the action, complete with brilliant model boats and rigs, is accompanied by an over the top score which includes themes which would not be out of place in an Italian Star Wars rip-off. It is in fact that rarest of things, a bloody good 80's British action flick, actually it might be the only good one.

If you want to split hairs you might say that the bad guys have no discernible plan to make good their escape, but we all know they're never going to get away with it so who gives a shit.

I do however feel obliged to point out that contrary to what the poster you are now looking at might suggest, at no time in this film does Roger Moore have four bikini clad beauties clinging to him for dear life. This is not James Bond.

Please note: the poster has now been changed to something disappointingly representative of the actual film, the one I'm referring to above is this one.

Paul liked these reviews