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  • Paddington 2

    Paddington 2

    ★★★★★

    Film critics/academics/historians/etc need to stop lying to themselves when they make those ‘top [whatever] films’ lists and place literally anything that isn’t Paddington 2 at number one.

  • The Grand Budapest Hotel

    The Grand Budapest Hotel

    ★★★★½

    Deserved Best Original Screenplay, Best Director, Best Cinematography, and Best Editing solely for:

    "'Methinks me breathes me last me fears' said he-"

    "AAAAAAAAAA"

    "HOLY SHIT"

  • Short Term 12

    Short Term 12

    ★★★★★

    I am starting a support group for everyone who cried at Lakeith Stanfield's acting during the shaving scene.

  • Eighth Grade

    Eighth Grade

    ★★★★

    As soon as I realized Aiden was wearing a Manchester United shirt I knew he couldn’t be trusted.

  • Booksmart

    Booksmart

    ★★★★½

    I take solace in quirky women who are perpetually misunderstood and Gigi was an absolute delight to experience. Give Billie Lourd whatever work she wants!

  • Avengers: Endgame

    Avengers: Endgame

    ★★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    They had to snap Shuri out of existence because if she would have been around to help, she'd have sorted the whole time travel problem out in like three seconds.

  • Young Man with a Horn

    Young Man with a Horn

    ★★★

    If Americans weren't cowards they never would have implemented the production code and we could have had Lauren Bacall fully getting her dyke on........................

  • Gone Girl

    Gone Girl

    ★★★★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    So a while back I tried to watch this with my parents and my mum hated it because Amy got away with everything and as soon as the revelation came that she faked the entire thing my poor mum was so hyped to see her face her comeuppance. But I'm sure we're all in agreement that being stuck in a marriage to Ben Affleck is punishment enough.

  • X-Men: Days of Future Past

    X-Men: Days of Future Past

    ★★

    X-Men movies with Oscar Isaac: Bad
    X-Men movies without Oscar Isaac: Worse

  • Under the Silver Lake

    Under the Silver Lake

    ★★½

    The best part of this movie was when they played How to Marry a Millionaire and I got to see Lauren Bacall for two seconds.

  • Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse

    Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse

    ★★★★★

    All superhero films should end with a sudden Oscar Isaac cameo wherein memes and superhero themed Christmas songs feature.

  • Isn't It Romantic

    Isn't It Romantic

    ★½

    She really pitched a glass parking garage and they actually bought it I.............