I’m a cowboy, looking for anything heavy

Favorite films

  • Halloween
  • Aliens
  • Happiness
  • Sorcerer

Recent activity

  • Beverly Hills Cop III


  • The Seventh Sign


  • Pennywise: The Story of IT


  • Incident at Raven's Gate


Pinned reviews

  • Hellraiser: Hellworld

    Hellraiser: Hellworld


    I hope Henry Cavill lays awake at night thinking about how lucky he is that this movie should’ve ruined his career but somehow didn’t

  • Night of the Demons 2

    Night of the Demons 2


    I used to think this was a step-down, but after watching them back-to-back I think I honestly liked 2 even more than the first. 

    Pros: commando-nuns, holy water super soakers, boobs that turn into hands, demonic car-seat genital rubbing

    Cons: sexy dance to Morbid Angel (again, ?????)(but tbh, this might actually be a pro), worst ending shot of all time

Recent reviews

  • Beverly Hills Cop III

    Beverly Hills Cop III


    Was this originally intended to be a cartoon?

    Felt like my recollections of an old TMNT or GI Joe episode.

  • Pennywise: The Story of IT

    Pennywise: The Story of IT


    One of my earliest memories is my grandma (a Constant Reader™️) making me watch IT live on tv when I was 3 and being scared out of my fucking mind. I’d already cut my teeth as a toddler with Ghostbusters on repeat, but I wasn’t equipped to handle shit like a razor-toothed clown squeezing up out of the shower drain to sadistically torment and terrorize children. Fucked me up most definitely, but it’s one of touchstone memories of how I…

Popular reviews

  • Hereditary



    A dread-soaked masterpiece of evil that is as heavy dramatically as it is utterly terrifying. This was my most anticipated film of the year and it did not disappoint one bit. Will probably see it 3-4 more times before it leaves theaters.

    6/5 stars

  • The House That Jack Built

    The House That Jack Built


    Akin to a violent bumper-car ride, my entire theater thrashed between full-on laughter and silent disgust/dread. This is 100% the movie I was hoping and expecting to see, and I would listen to LVT argue with himself about art all day long if I could.