F9 ★★

I saw the movie yesterday and I’m reviewing it until now not because I had been busy, but because I had forgotten I had watched it, so yeah.

Here’s the thing, I went in expecting to be very critical of it, and not actually like it, but I figured it would keep me entertained. F8 already had had some problems for me, and Hobbs and Shaw the same, but they weren’t a chore to get through.

I want to preface, I went to a late screening after a long day, so I was a bit tired, but still, whenever I find myself in situations like that, a movie that works for me makes me forget all about it and I only go back to feeling tired after the movie ends.

So Fast 9... the first half of the movie I was bored out of my mind. I couldn’t believe that I wasn’t finding any of the action sequences entertaining, considering there were so many. I was loosely following the plot (maybe I was following it completely and just kept expecting there was more to it?) and then I started feeling sleepy and started looking at my watch hoping the minutes would run faster or something. I knew about some plot developments that would come, and the fact that they hadn’t come yet was torturing cause it meant they had yet to be introduced, played out and concluded and my eyelids were closing on their own no matter how many frantic movements I made to keep myself awake.

I do think I caught at least a few frames of every single scene, and still very loosely followed the plot. I don’t know who one person is, did the character adopt her in Japan? And there’s one scene that made me go, what is this guardians of the galaxy? Then there’s the whole “twist” sequence about the satellite. How did that get resolved? There was an explosion wasn’t there?

Anyway the ending scene kept not being the ending scene for what it felt like 20 more minutes. Then the true ending scene did come, and I have to say, I did not feel at all emotionally attached, which is a shame cause I’ve always felt the most connected to this franchise when it revolves around Brian. But nothing...

I’m not describing my experience to drive home how boring I found the movie, but to contextualize that even though I did watch it, I wasn’t 100% there, and thus this review shouldn’t really count. I would usually remedy this by watching it again eventually, but I this case, I don’t think I have the will power to do it. Maybe once I own it (cause I’m a completionist) I’ll watch the third act properly.