Ian Kemper

Ian Kemper Patron

"Sorry don't get it done, Dude"

Favorite films

  • Forbidden Planet
  • Rio Bravo
  • Bud Abbott and Lou Costello Meet Frankenstein
  • The 'Burbs

Recent activity

  • Christmas in Rome


  • I Believe in Santa


  • A Haunting in Venice


  • Deadly Sweet


Pinned reviews

  • North by Northwest

    North by Northwest


    Near the end of the film Cary Grant escapes from the hospital in Rapid City, South Dakota and a bit later arrives near Mt. Rushmore via taxi. Now the population of Rapid City in 1960 was approximately 30,000 people and very few cities of that size now have independent taxi services, let alone then, and certainly not ones willing to drive 24 miles out of town and into the Black Hills at night with the chance of a return fare…

  • The Church

    The Church


    This movie is wildly entertaining if a bit uneven, it's like the skeezy cousin of Carpenters Prince of Darkness. I find it very amusing that Soavi wanted to make a more respectable horror film instead of what this basically is, Demons 3, but apparently producer Dario Argento had other things in mind. I like to imagine their interactions went something like this:

    M: Hey Dario your secretary says you want to go over some things?

    D: Michele, we need to…

Recent reviews

  • Christmas in Rome

    Christmas in Rome


    I'm not used to the gentle goodness of Hallmark films so the fact that everyone in this is a pretty decent human and all treat each other pretty well, and that the typical rom-com 2nd act obstacle would only be a sad but amicable break-up due to the logistics of a long distance relationship, had my cynical ass a bit shook.

    Yeah the lead dude is a bit of a boner at times but he does good in the end…

  • I Believe in Santa

    I Believe in Santa


    While reasonably charming and reasonably funny the main character Tom, who loves Christmas more, and believes in Santa harder than a pack of 6 year olds, is a hard pill to swallow. He's charming enough, handsom-ish, and is a well off lawyer but in reality this dude would be girlfriendless, token minority friendless, and scrolling r/Christmasconspiracy way too much to keep his insane holiday festivities schedule.

    I'd also like to note that going to an adults oriented Christmas Carol Singalong with a bunch of 'Nogged up try hards is pretty close to my living hell.

Popular reviews

  • The Hatchet Wielding Hitchhiker

    The Hatchet Wielding Hitchhiker


    Pretty interesting doc about a mentally ill man doing things that mentally ill people do and being exploited to do so by a bunch of industry vultures who in turn act shocked when this man does a heinous crime that is exactly like what he has been saying he would do on social media. Everyone sucks here.

  • The Killer

    The Killer


    So your going to give me a beautifully shot meditative exploration of a hitman, directed by Fincher, scored by Reznor, and played by professional anti-emotive actor Fassbender, and populate it with Smiths songs (with a hint of Portishead), then nonchalantly throw in a plethora of 70's and 80's sitcom name drops, then an amazing fight scene where a juiced up Florida douche gets a table leg up his ass, and top it off with a fourth quarter Swinton, telling a pre-mortum sodomy joke....

    I'm only human and I can only handle so much!