• The Iguana with the Tongue of Fire

    The Iguana with the Tongue of Fire

    ★★

    A sleepy giallo built on an inability to hold back. What's better than one or two suspects? Everyone is a suspect! Think acid to the face is enough? Hell no! How bout an immediate bloody throat slit to go with your melty face! Dublin is chilly, will one sweater suffice? Ha! Throw a cardigan over that sweater and top it with a wool coat silly! What do you do when a pair of sunglasses are the clue? Treat it like…

  • Grown Ups

    Grown Ups

    ★★

    If Adam Sandler's juvenile comedic thoughts spilled to the ground like a soup and all his friends showed up to add whatever slapstick gross-out idiotic lizard brained thoughts to the mix, then stirred it up with a splat of scat humor here and a spray of cleavage there then topped it off with a sweaty meringue of crotch hits and kick flips, then you have Grown Ups.

    I'd be lying if I said I didn't laugh here and there (mostly…

  • TÁR

    TÁR

    ★★★★½

    Todd Field's filmmaking prowess is only surpassed by his ability to restrain himself from having Lydia Tár comment on György Ligeti's Musica ricercata (II).

  • Contraband

    Contraband

    ★★★

    Fabio Testi smuggles cigarettes in go-fast boats, watches horse cart racing in a pimp coat, and repeatedly gets his ass whooped by the mobsters that killed his brother (and some that didn't) in Contraband; the most throat explody, face melty, wife rapey, horse burny, sulfur pit-y, charred body, Lucio Fulci, poliziottesci, this side of a cocaine stuffed pussy.

    Slow going for the first third but not entirely uninteresting, this mob thriller picks up in a big way when a bunch…

  • Red Notice

    Red Notice

    ★★

    So somehow Ryan Reynolds convinced the Rock to do a monologue about Ryan's characters daddy issues all while drinking a glass of, and featuring a bottle of, Aviation Gin, casually but prominently on the table beside him. And what does the Rock get in return? He gets ordering a celebratory tequila shot at a bar. And what do we see? The red "Reposado" tag near the neck indicating a decent, if not nearly exceptional quality of tequila, while the actual…

  • The Big Racket

    The Big Racket

    ★★★★

    Fabio Testi fights organized crime and limp dick bureaucracy while rocking turtle necks and wool pea coats in this stylish hard hitting film by Enzo Castellari. The first 5 minutes are of slow motion awesomeness. The last 10 are ultra satisfying violence. Everything in the middle is a hard boiled, brutal, "fuck you" to decency, scored to the psych-rock sounds of Guido and Maurizio de Angelis.

    What do I mean by brutal? Let me tell you a little anecdote.... (spoilers)

  • My Bloody Valentine

    My Bloody Valentine

    ★★★★

    Quality slasher that benefits greatly from having a killer with a badass costume (full miner gear with headlamp and gas mask), a brutal and effective weapon (pick axe), and location (cold sparsly populated mining town and dark dangerous mine shafts). There's a bit of teen fluff throughout and the comic relief character's shtick of snorting coke (the pop) through his nostrils might be a genre low and that's saying a lot given that one year later Shelly would be thrust upon the world in F13 III, but overall it's a fun watch with great kills.

  • Jexi

    Jexi

    ★★

    Odd, uneven and occasionally funny comedy that gives new meaning to phone sex. It felt like every lol was followed by some odd wtf moment or nonsensical story diversion. Wanda Sykes does a delightful monologue about crack heads and Michael Peña rises above his material to be far and away the best part of the movie.

    Also, how in the hell does a website listicle writer with crippling college debt make enough money to live in a San Francisco townhouse in the North Beach area???

  • The Killer Is One of Thirteen

    The Killer Is One of Thirteen

    ★★½

    A dry giallo in which a widow (Patty Shepard) invites 12 guests to her estate in order to find out which one killed her husband. Apparently the best way to do this is to expose everyone's dirty laundry to the group during a dinner or coffee or smoking time or breakfast or dinner again. But that's not all because in-between these exposing chat sessions the couples retire to their rooms where they can accuse each other of cheating or being…

  • The Hatchet Wielding Hitchhiker

    The Hatchet Wielding Hitchhiker

    ★★½

    Pretty interesting doc about a mentally ill man doing things that mentally ill people do and being exploited to do so by a bunch of industry vultures who in turn act shocked when this man does a heinous crime that is exactly like what he has been saying he would do on social media. Everyone sucks here.

  • Live Like a Cop, Die Like a Man

    Live Like a Cop, Die Like a Man

    ★★★★

    Marc Porel and Ray Lovelock are two dirt bag Special Unit cops/Eskimo brothers that shoot, torture and bitch slap their way to success. When not wreaking havoc on Rome they make time to homoeroticly ride a motorcycle together, be forcibly misogynistic to any women that cross their paths or go to the shooting range do the most laughably insane target practice put to film; essentially diving and rolling in the dirt while shooting cans next to each others head; it's…

  • John Wick: Chapter 3 - Parabellum

    John Wick: Chapter 3 - Parabellum

    ★★★★

    I don't really know if this is better or worse than parts 1 and 2, it's just more of the same...but it's a really good same. The scene where Wick and Charon are getting rearmed for round two while Winston sits in his safe room getting buzzed on whiskey might be my favorite of the series. The only thing keeping this from being a perfect action film is that the Chairman didn't once take a giant bite out of a bell pepper and say "a la cuisine!!" before slicing up a goon. Shameful.