• House of 1000 Corpses

    House of 1000 Corpses

    ★★

    why is this edited like a fancam 😭⚰️

  • Tenet

    Tenet

    ★★★

    is it worth it? let me work it 
    i put my thing down, flip it and reverse it 
    ti esrever dna ti pilf, nwod gniht ym tup 
    ti esrever dna ti pilf, nwod gniht ym tup

  • I'm Thinking of Ending Things

    I'm Thinking of Ending Things

    ★★½

    as grace randolph once eloquently bellowed out, "what.. a pretentious... PIECE. OF. SHIT."

  • The Next Best Thing

    The Next Best Thing

    ★½

    madonna's marriage story moment ☝️

  • The New Mutants

    The New Mutants

    i've seen better vfx from a fucking snapchat filter

  • Spree

    Spree

    ★★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    any film that features frankie grande with the sole intention of killing him off deserves at least three stars by my metric

  • Yes, God, Yes

    Yes, God, Yes

    ★★½

    the only real sin committed in this movie is her eating cheddar cheese puffs with chocolate milk

  • She Dies Tomorrow

    She Dies Tomorrow

    ★★★½

    by all means a worthwhile and noteworthy entry in a year my standards have unquestionably classified as underwhelming. i found myself continually marvelling at seimetz's flipping the script on a subgenre we're all too familiar with (contagion/virus horror) by tinging it with a feeling we've endured all too frequently, especially in recent months. existential dread, alarmism, and paranoia certainly could be considered communicable diseases, and her on-screen portrayal of this codification + its resonance with current events proves to be…

  • Roar

    Roar

    ★★★

    incontestably one of the most irresponsible films i have ever seen. i'm baffled that a ninety minute feature comprising of an unassuming family's incessant jeopardy in the wake of hundreds of untrained lions, tigers, leopards, and elephants (all of which was filmed in real-time WITH THE ACTORS who procured countless injuries) was even greenlit to begin with. that being said, this more than holds its own in terms of entertainment value. the shallow storyline of roar quickly gives way to…

  • Showgirls

    Showgirls

    ★★★★½

    it goes without saying that showgirls is certainly not everyone's cup of tea. in fact, what continually causes it to whisper my name and softly usher me back into its milieu is undoubtedly the same criteria that prompts others to renounce it entirely. it brazenly refuses to pander to anyone, forswearing convention from its brash camerawork and editing to elizabeth berkley's equal parts masterful and misunderstood powerhouse of a performance. verhoven ubiquitously commits to his ever so unsubtle vision, leaving…

  • Child's Play 3

    Child's Play 3

    ★½

    chucky's full metal jacket moment

  • The Kissing Booth 2

    The Kissing Booth 2

    ★★

    now WHY ON EARTH was this two hours and twelve minutes long 😭