Mamma Mia! ★★★★★

alright this fucking movie has consumed my every fucking thought for the past fucking week so since i have nothing better to do i'm just gonna fucking rate every song so here we go:

honey, honey: 7/10
PURE FUN! it's pretty exposition heavy but they have a lot of songs to fit in so i'll forgive them. also the way amanda seyfried says "you're a doggone...BEAST" is a more effective antidepressant than zoloft

money, money, money: 6/10
i still don't understand the economics of donna's hotel...is this the only place to stay on the island? is airbnb running her out of business? has the greek economic collapse penetrated the world of mamma mia?

mamma mia: 10/10
HELL YES!! look, even if you hate this movie (which is a crime in and of itself), colin firth in eyeliner and a CHOKER is worth the watch alone. i don't know why he tries to do dramatic roles anymore because clearly this is the most fun he's ever had making a movie

chiquitita: 5/10
i just realized this isn't on the soundtrack and like...i kind of get it? let's be real, it's just a filler song so they have an excuse to parade right into dancing queen (which, speaking of...)

dancing queen: 10/10
christine baranski and julie walters EXUDE BDE. honestly if you hate this performance you don't deserve happiness and that's the tea

our last summer: 5/10
oh colin, sweetie...you're definitely not the worst singer in this movie but...every time i hear "i can still recall" i skip to the next song. look, this movie is about the women and more importantly that GOD is a woman

lay all your love on me: 50/10
BIIIIIIIIIITCH!!!!!!!!! EVERY FUCKING TIME THIS COMES ON I LOSE MY SHIT!!!!!!!!! amanda seyfried is really That Bitch!!!!! a glowing, sun-kissed, beach blonde Goddess!!! GOD IS A WOMAN!!!!!!!

super trouper: 9/10
donna and the dynamos are more influential than the beatles. do not @ me

gimme! gimme! gimme! (a man after midnight): 9.5/10
why do they not do this entire song in the movie?????? could they not cut off pierce brosnan a little earlier to make more time for amanda seyfried???? UNFORGIVABLE

the name of the game: 9.5/10
WHY THE FUCK IS THIS NOT IN THE MOVIE!!!!! ok i know why, it's because of pacing and it's kind of weird that sophie’s singing to bill but STILL!!!! i am personally offended that someone decided this movie needed LESS amanda seyfried

voulez-vous: 9/10
that key change is GOD-LEVEL! this song kind of gets buried with gimme gimme gimme which is unfortunate. also -1 because there's no amanda seyfried solo. are you noticing a pattern

SOS: 3/10
dear god...pierce...how did you get cast in a musical. you and russell crowe haunt me. i was playing this soundtrack on shuffle on spotify and when it ended javert's suicide automatically started playing. i can never escape. boy did you sing your little heart out, if only it was good

does your mother know: 6/10
i've been thinking about christine baranski a lot lately and i just realized it's because i watched miss sloane last week and they gave her the TINIEST cameo. i'm outraged, like how fucking dare they! the DISRESPECT!! do they not know everything she's done for this country?? diane lockhart wouldn't put up with that shit

slipping through my fingers: 5/10
honestly don't get the point of this song. are they trying to cause conflict between sophie and donna?? like sophie doesn't really have any interest in leaving the island, it's not like her getting married is gonna change that?? ugh i hate when my mom and grandma fight

the winner takes it all: 8/10
this song makes me so sad especially after seeing the sequel i can't review this nope nope nope

when all is said and done: 2/10
dare i say this is worse than SOS? yes, it is.

take a chance on me: 8/10
rosie deserves better than bill! there i said it! she's a fucking catch! DON'T PUT YOURSELF DOWN ROSIE!!!

i have a dream: 10/10
YESSSSS AMANDA YESSSSSS!!!!!!!!! MY QUEEN!!!!!!! MY ANGELIC VOICED QUEEN/MOM/GOD!!!!!!!!!! SING TO ME PAOLO!!!!!!!!!

what a ride. congrats if you made it to the end of this review. stay tuned for when i review the sequel and shit on pierce brosnan some more

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