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  • Ready or Not

    Ready or Not

    ★★★½

    ...(here) I came. 

    This thing runs like a 1999 Chevy Impala. It rattles along and makes more than a few weird noises and some lurchy movements, but it gets there. It's fun! The plot is *bonkers* and the tone is utterly schizophrenic but it knows and embraces both of those facts. 

    Strays:
    -Samara Weaving is simultaneously: 1) very beautiful 2) a dead ringer for her dad Hugo and 3) a blend of Emma Stone and Margot Robbie and taking in…

  • Mike Birbiglia: My Girlfriend's Boyfriend

    Mike Birbiglia: My Girlfriend's Boyfriend

    ★★★★★

    Seriously one of my favorite things ever. My role model for basic storytelling.

  • Iliza Shlesinger: Unveiled

    Iliza Shlesinger: Unveiled

    ★★★

    Her physicality is actually pretty special.

  • Clue

    Clue

    ★★★★

    This is more of a cocaine movie than Casino and Scarface combined. 

    Actual thought: it's amazing that Christopher Lloyd had the success he did. He's a VERY odd actor with a very...distracting?...presence and yet he has two of the most iconic roles of the 80s.

  • The Irishman

    The Irishman

    ★★★★

    I fully appreciate that this is a master worker's masterwork. It's also a little bit specialized to annoy me-- somber, self-important Man Movies are not really my jam.

    The last hour is really, really special, about looking back on your life and what you have wrought. But it takes 2.5 hours to get to the last hour.

    A chronicle of things I did during these 210(!!!) mins:
    -ate a pasta dinner.
    -foam-rolled
    -ate popcorn
    -did Pokedex research for my Sword team
    -looked up how much really high-end treadmills cost (~$6000)
    -foam-rolled again
    -ate dessert
    -pondered my mortality

  • The Nice Guys

    The Nice Guys

    ★★★★½

    Gosling is on a whole different level.

  • Knives Out

    Knives Out

    ★★★★½

    A perfect afternoon at the movies. Crackly dialogue, a tortuous plot that's never obviously or needlessly withholding. A ridiculous (in a good way) performance from Criag, a straight-up outstanding performance from de Armas.

  • The Magnificent Seven

    The Magnificent Seven

    ★★½

    Fuqua should try directing porn.

  • Official Secrets

    Official Secrets

    ★★★

    I fell asleep, but what I stayed conscious for seemed competent.

  • Frozen II

    Frozen II

    ★★★★½

    Y'all are grumps I **loved** it. I'm willing to call it better than the original. Idina Menzel is damn good at her job and gets TWO killer power ballads. Kristoff is a dumb lil cutie. Elsa, I will say again, is the hottest ice queen there is. It has none of the last act drag that most of these Disney musicals have (**definitely** including its forebear).

    Let It Go>Into the Unknown>For the First Time in Forever>Show Yourself>Lost in the Woods>Some…

  • The King

    The King

    ★★½

    Two standing invitations. At any time of day or night:
    1) Chalamet is welcome to share my bed

    2) Pattinson is welcome to borrow my shower (as long as he thoroughly scrubs it after)

  • Frozen

    Frozen

    ★★★★

    ...idk if this is the appropriate place to admit this. But you know that moment when Elsa enters the last refrain of Let It Go ("and I'll rise like the break of dawn/Let It Go/Let It Go/That perfect girl is gone/Here I stand in the light of day/Let the storm rage on/the cold never bothered me anyway") having just changed into that slinky dress and let her blonde hair down? Yeah that's the most sexually attracted I've ever been to…