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  • First Reformed

    First Reformed

    ★★★★½

    [Pitch meeting for FIRST REFORMED]

    PAUL SCHRADER: Yeah, so the main character is a reverend, flawed, tormented by his past, but seeking to do good, and to help some members of his church that are struggling with their place in the world.

    EXEC: oh, that sounds great, audiences should really connect. Obviously, that means no viciously misanthropic ranting or baroque nihilism in the voiceover, right?

    SCHRADER [sweating, fumbling with screenplay pages]: ah, yes, no. Right. Absolutely. Yes.

  • Friday the 13th: A New Beginning

    Friday the 13th: A New Beginning

    ★★★

    This is a deeply stupid movie on almost every level, but it isn't boring, and there are even flashes of genuine personality. In a way you've got to decide what kind of viewer you are: do you deride this movie for a scene where Tommy dispatches a hooting redneck stereotype with some absolutely inexplicable jujitsu, or do you mourn the fact that there wasn't even more of this? I lean towards the latter, but not decisively, with this wishy-washy rating as the result.

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  • Romeo Must Die

    Romeo Must Die

    ★★★★

    Look, Timbaland does the beats and Jet Li fights a person using the body of another person and I honestly don't know what the fuck else you want.

  • Rocketman

    Rocketman

    ★★★½

    Look, this deserves evaluation (and a fair amount of praise) on its own merits, and not just in comparison to Bohemian Rhapsody, but I feel like we should at least acknowledge that it contains

    1) gay sex, between two men, who are naked, and make out first

    2) a star who actually does the singing in the film, because otherwise what is the point of all this

    3) a former Game of Thrones actor playing music producer John Reid, but…