...or Being Pom Klementieff.

First things first, let us stop pretending this is still Black Mirror. That show more or less ended eight years ago with Season 1. One need only compare and contrast The National Anthem with Ashley Too to see how it has devolved from genuinely disturbing cutting-edge television to Streaming Empire snake-oiling that shits where it eats while catalyzing our tears and selling them straight back to us. *creak creak* don't panic, that's just Ol Man Teddy…

(cranking rn: Bongripper - Satan Worshipping Doom)

Somewhere in our universe there is a planet of subterranean axe-forging barbarian troglodytes who give an award for Most Metal Movie of All Time. I think this might just be a contender.

King Crimson's Starless, in case you weren't already aware, is one of the greatest rock songs ever written, and it is now imbued with a renewed gravity, married forever to the image of a burly woodsman cutting down a sapling, in…