• Zola

    Zola

    ★★★

    To give some of you an idea, I live in Florida. So people watching this as though it’s a surrealist comedy are pretty funny themselves because if I want to see ‘Zola’, I can just go outside. Our state really is *like* that.

  • King Richard

    King Richard

    ★★½

    It intrinsically bothers me that a retelling for Venus & Serena (that’s about Venus & Serena by the way) is almost entirely conformed to the eyes of a dad who, as noted by the movie several times, doesn’t allow his kids to just be kids, but I think that there’s an air of neglect to the cultural planting of this mentality that some people exude when they criticize it with too much snap judgement. Institutional racism has its place in sports as…

  • Toad Road

    Toad Road

    ★★★★½

    Self-hatred is something that not even the Dead Kennedys could fix. Though this was proposed as part of the New Cult before, I don't see it extending beyond the little slice of psychological, meta-atmospherical hell that it's situated so comfortably in, and maybe that's for the best. It's cinéma-vérite in the most straightforward sense, but this is a mass of *straight* adrenaline numbing with no rocks, exactly as esoteric in feeling as the worst depressions (the ones where you only…

  • The Humans

    The Humans

    ★★★★

    "If you're so miserable, why are you trying to live forever?"

    Horror, as an emotion, genre, and film language, is about artistic mediums forcing us to confront the discomforts and psychological extremities that plague us on a personal and wider scale. They are deliberated in dark halls and slurred speech as monsters with our name tags; attaching to us as a singularity, a big cloud over our judgement. In a time rendered even *more* financially stressed out for the past…

  • Procession

    Procession

    ★★★★

    The most open compartments of such long broken hearts. It’s not my place to critique how “cinematically valid” the subjects’ externalized trauma therapy sessions are (and it shouldn’t be *anybody’s* because there is a time and place to dissect traumatic art and this is not either), but I believe it’s admirable how dedicated each and every hurt soul here was to exploring and expressing their pasts in the most ornamental fashion. Their attention to the minute details of their own…

  • Sator

    Sator

    ★★★★

    Grim Winter’s Bane and dementia, each equally demonic. Shockingly this took 7 years(!) of the director working quadruple-duty to make it exist, and it’s evident in hindsight; persistent, circulatory, and phosphorous moments of crunchy aluminum, blinding fires against the nighttime bedsheet borealis. Instantaneously personal and mutated, cozy yet distanced, monolithic in the same way a forest full of omens would be. There’s a very easy route that these post-A24orror movies could go, but rather than the traditionalist slowburn approach and…

  • Mädchen in Uniform

    Mädchen in Uniform

    ★★★★

    There is something about this that feels like seeing a shooting star only two feet above the ground; its untethered, distinctly femme sense of longing clad in a top hat and true German spirit underneath the leering of the fascist party. If Nazi censorship had anything to say about it, this movie wouldn't exist. It was in tune to the marginal senses and proudly homo-embracive. One of queer film's earliest touchstones was apparently one of filmmaking's earliest cultural escape artists. Bravo to everybody who made this little bit of impossible actually happen.

  • The Mandela Catalogue Vol. 1

    The Mandela Catalogue Vol. 1

    ★★★½

    Midnight Protocol: Arm yourself, trust no sounds (even your own), and pray to Gabriel that the Unidentified Identical Human outside your room quits asking to come in. Analog horror since Channel58 got overwhelmed faster than the speed of tape with litters of imitators scattered around in the YouTube basement, but this is probably the last version of the niche to be truly uncomfortable until Battington eventually took the mantle. Unspeaking, dripping in deep-fry psyche, uncanny, full of ill intent. Not suitable for a bedtime viewing.

  • Alucarda

    Alucarda

    ★★★★

    Alucarda, to play with the covenant like a toy. Everything you could ask from genre in this sort of black vein, all the shlock and awe as promised, but full of sacrilege and darkness that bible-thumpers will have a fun time labelling "anti-God." Spiritually head-first into yonicistic atmosphere and sapphic blaze. The four corners of Devil's Delect post-tradition. Fun!

  • Just, Melvin: Just Evil

    Just, Melvin: Just Evil

    ★★★★

    "Thou hast turned for me my mourning into dancing."

    Thoroughly difficult to stomach on a moral and judicial level due to the fact that Melvin is a delusional monster who avoided the life sentences he earned for every child he hurt. He was, in the only apt terms, a hog that avoided Judge's Slaughter and held his family in a chokehold of trauma humor, unhealthy coping mechanisms, and suicide. Even worse, it seems he continued to do so by the…

  • The Little Mermaid

    The Little Mermaid

    ★★★½

    All the colors of the sea in your tears. This undoubtedly gets compared to Disney's version as any sister feature would, majorly because the Disney version was such a worldwide event that many would be jolted to know that a Russian Ariel exists and that her story is significantly more evocated through the painterly realms of nature than it is shown as a spectacle. Andersen's story was always haunting and brutal, as the best faerie tales are, and the former…

  • The Unboxing Ring

    The Unboxing Ring

    ★★★★

    Improv and Disc-Losers 101. The fact that this was a YouTube project from 10 years ago is paradoxic because its framework is right at home to the Channel Awesome era but somehow outside its own burden of time that it should leave anybody nonplussed. It feels like a summation of internet cringe theory progressively dominated by people who have the talent of lifelong Actor’s Actors throwing low blows at each other. I have to warn, though, that this is a…