Mulholland Drive ★★★★★

“Something bad is happening.”

For years I’ve felt like some awful thing is going to happen to me. Theres so much improbable coincidence  that happens in my daily life that it’s ho estly alarming. Today I graduated from high school and at that graduation I saw the brother of the boy I was in love with (who knows about everything I did) and the girl who I threatened and when I got in the car afterwards, a song was playing on the radio that I listened to cobstantly the year this all happened but hadn’t really heard since. I’m not saying this means anything because really I don’t think it does but it’s such a coincidence and things like this (often more stuff faster and more outlandish) happen. And this builds the dread even more. They always happen on what are supposed to be “good days” and usually I can’t stop thinking about them for weeks on end after. Today when I got home I had a minor panic attack where I felt like my life was ending, like I was going to die soon and I knew it would happen but couldn’t stop it.

To me, Diane feels the same way. When she’s sitting on her couch, looking at the blue key, knowing the full weight of what she’s done, she can feel the end coming and she is powerless to stop it. I’ve always felt so connected to Diane and I feel like people never take me seriously when I say this but, this movie really is so similar to my life, even spot on in some scenes. I might be doomed like Diane, or it might just all be me overreacting to old traumas resurfacing but regardless, I’m helpless to whatever may come. 

Pride: 10/30

(This review is probably rediculiously dramatic but keep in mind that I wrote it at 2:30 am while in the middle of a heavy depressive episode)

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