Favorite films

  • The Exorcist III
  • Interstellar
  • When Harry Met Sally...
  • Death Proof

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  • They Live

    ★★½

  • Inception

    ★★★★

  • The Great Gatsby

    ★★★½

  • Killer Klowns from Outer Space

    ★★½

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  • The Witch

    The Witch

    ★★★★★

    Remember kids! America was founded by religious outcasts and zealots who wanted to practice the weird and shitty parts of their religion, which is how we ended up where we are today!

    *walks back into the woods with my black goat and my stolen baby and my dummy thicc ass cheeks*

  • I Know What You Did Last Summer

    I Know What You Did Last Summer

    ★★½

    *screams at the top of my lungs with my vacant eyes and wispy bangs* WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? HUH? WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOOOOOR?!?



    "...Ma'am, this is a Wendy's parking lot."

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  • They Live

    They Live

    ★★½

    I'm sorry, I'm soooorreeee, I know this is a beloved classic for so many of y'all, but that fight sequence absolutely reeks of being choreographed by Rowdy Roddy Piper because it is so slow, and performative, and a little bit homo-erotic, but mostly just fake.

    As fake as the rest of his performance.

    More than anything this movie just makes me really sad because it's been almost 40 years and everything's the exact same as depicted here, except maybe worse because we don't really need the sunglasses anymore do we?

  • Inception

    Inception

    ★★★★

    BAAAAZ!

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  • No Escape Room

    No Escape Room

    ★½

    When this stopped being an escape room and instead just became a generic haunted house, it stopped being fun.

    There was not one single shred of evidence in the entire first hour of the movie that would've led me to believe anything that was happening was real. Everything could've been explained as part of the escape room, until all of the sudden it couldn't.

    Also whyyyyyyyy was the obviously 40 year old man flirting with the obviously 16 year old girl?!?!?!?!

    This is what I get for taking a chance on a Syfy movie.

  • Happy Death Day

    Happy Death Day

    ★★

    Hello? Earth to space bitch!
    What?
    WhaT Time are yOU gOIng tO thE paRtY?

    3 years ago, in the far off land of 2017, when me and the gang went to go see this in theaters, I ragged on it so hard that my best friend tried to fight me in the theater parking lot.

    Well Chelsea, I gave it another shot, and I'm here to say...

    Square tf up bitch, I still think it's trash, I'll see you at cinemark at 10pm 👊👊👊