just don’t ask me about Braveheart.

Favorite films

  • Mulholland Drive
  • Seconds
  • Bitter Moon

Recent activity

  • Scream 4


  • Scream 3


  • Scream 2


  • Scream


Pinned reviews

  • Spider-Man: No Way Home

    Spider-Man: No Way Home


    the mcu has done wonders to the modern adolescent’s perception of their super-powered avatar: pivot him from an ingenious working class pragmatist into a millionaire’s heir apparent frequently deus-ex-machina’d by his dear daddy stark’s big money tech, witless swoop-ins from cameos scientifically proven to increase fans’ endorphin production, and an everlasting commitment to the power of math and science over any other force. disney runs a gutless dalliance with cancel culture, misinformation, and it’s ramifications, which is meant to give…

  • Halloween Kills

    Halloween Kills

    ‘he (david gordon green + danny mcbride) can’t keep getting away with this!’

    halloween kills miraculously transcends the hackneyedness-level of its predecessor - both hyper-meta, hyper-woke legacy horror quasi-sequels which attempt to attribute external, topical, oftentimes alarmingly centrist thematic content while attracting base sympathy through overt, inconsequential grasps toward retroactive continuity - 2018’s Halloween at least had a streak of absurdist humor which, albeit never congealing with its attempts to conflate the immovable object of Michael Myers with contemporary women’s…

Recent reviews

  • Prince of Darkness

    Prince of Darkness


    i hate to say it but i’ve cooled off on this one after a dozen watches. i will never forget the initial viewing in which i was so inebriated as to still be questioning whether or not the dream-transmission was real 72 hours later. prince of darkness is brooding with apocalyptic despair from its opening shot, and it’s slow onset of body horror is paced effectively alongside its mind-numbing stoner theoretical physics dialogue. i once viewed this non-stop rambling by…

  • Scream



    i walked out of the 2022 scream showing upset; yet, somewhat hesitant to comment on its meta aspects without covering my tracks by ensuring that craven’s original treated its subversive elements with tact indicative of faith in his audience. i wasn’t wrong; 1996’s scream actively draws its characters to indicate various genre stereotypes that almost all turn out to be red herrings - daring you to predict it, yes, but doing so while building up a living and breathing small town that…

Popular reviews

  • Bo Burnham: Inside

    Bo Burnham: Inside

    didn’t watch this again - truthfully, I never have. bo burnham’s inside was forcibly screened during the twilight of a confidante’s bachelor party, at the rabidly eager insistence of a fellow groomsman. while select few soldiered on with our board game, he vocally provided the cliffnotes annotation that he likely needed to bridge the gap between burnham’s insufferably self-satisfied juxtaposition of melodramatic-showtune musical stylings with possibly the most weightless attempt at self-effacing ‘social awareness’ ever seen. he will never be forgiven


  • The Matrix Resurrections

    The Matrix Resurrections


    lana wachowski weaves together the ideal matrix trilogy successor - a film as refreshingly rife with the same ideas as it’s origin point as it is dishearteningly yet empathetically engaged with the varying discourse surrounding it’s assumed, abstract ‘politics.’ resurrections functions as the perfect blockbuster of the present era, fueled by kinetic plot momentum tied to the perceived effervescent quality of the  youth - youth contemporary to the future that the original matrix naturally catfished its populist viewership into conceiving of;…